O feet and MUshroom soup ,,

for the past few months , i was but myself because my dad was not well ..in fact we were not ourselves ...he was in the hospital and the next moment he was out ..he was okay , he could eat and then he can't ..

so, from that moment on , i sat quietly when ever i could ..i guess i just don't feel like talking ..the house has gotten pretty quiet after my dad got sick ... no laughter , jokes ..nothing ..when it was time to wake up , we would , time to eat , take a nap ..we did it .. but my dad was just too tired to speak to us . i guess he is in pain .

he feels disheartened because he is just so afraid to eat and swallow his food and that makes him cough ,.

i am here and there and everywhere , mum and me we try to do everything on our own. we have been running around quite a bit ,, i would like to think how God has guided me especially during this time , i don't know how i drove to University Hospital ..how i parked the car ..how i went to buy groceries for the day and everyday after that .

i just don't know where that strength came from ..for when i was weak , i was strong .. i really took over my dad's duties overnight . should i be proud of myself ? 

i really have more to learn from my dad and just the other day i was checking the car just to make sure everything was ok .....so now i am known as the mechanic lady !!!!!! it's just that , things that i have never done before , i am doing it now ...

i do hope my dad gets well , able to eat and at least smile ....

wonderment

in the wonderment of everything , i still think of you ,
i may not be the perfect one, 
but somehow we fit together,
in everything that i do, 
in the wonderment of me and you.




in the wonderment of everything, i don't think i have heard such a  word as this!!!!
it's the wonderment of you that makes me smile.




in the wonderment of everything, you seem to know,
silently in thought , your strength draws me closer,
it is everything that you do and say , makes me love you even more.




you are brave in wonderment and i quite like it,
it just goes to show that life goes on,
it shows that when we are one we are breakable...




.....but when we are together, we just get stronger .

not so as i thought ...

what was to follow, caught me by surprise . it had a long time coming, but i was not sure when and i just couldn't decide. you could say that the good LORD has been on my side ..


at first it was a difficult decision but on the whole i know deep own in my heart it was a decision made right ..i turned down the offer to UM for a number of reasons and i felt a huge relief .


somehow, i'd like to think that every decision that we make, there is a silver lining ..after this was done and everyone was happy , i did the next thing ..


that is to deactivate my face book account ..that was another step, to which i felt that i needed to be away ..i mean why deactivate when you can just leave it an go whenever you felt like logging in ..


but that was not for me because i felt that i was addicted to it and no matter how tired i was, i would log in each day . it was getting to be a bore and i felt that i was boring the life out of me ...






so then i decided that with out my face book , i feel free, i can now do other stuff ...like read , talk,listen to the radio, pray , laugh an whatever makes a sane person ....


i don't mind , who knows i may just reactivate my face book account one day but when i do not know for now i am faceless and not bookless ..

no lower cases and upper casses

so today as i sit here once again , and during the holidays with loads of planning to do , to which i am procrastinating ..not a good sign ...but believe me , i will thank myself later for this !




its not that i wish to procrastinate but certain things you have to . maybe i just need to feel the adrenaline rush and then ..it works ..i am an artist that is how creativity works ....




i have come to this now , where i am satisfied for the little things that i have achieved . yes , the continuity it there but this time its my pace and not on anyone's pace ..just mine .


having taken and making that one decision, has made me a better person. most of the time we hear what others tells us but then again its good to hear what your inner self tells you . it's good to hear that one voice telling you to decide and decide well .


i guess when it comes to this, i have full support from every area and that makes up for whole thing itself.


i just embrace life as it goes day by day an i am taken care of and everything will be okay . i just have to take it easy and all will end well ..


i just want to thank those who had my back over the years . it was not easy but they have made it possible for me to rise above it .


i thank those who have made me very happy .

Daughter

My parents has two daughters. Today I am going to share with you my journey which I made with my parents since the day that I was born . As far as I can remember , I am the youngest in my family .The average one.




My life as I remember it as a child was a fun one .I could say that I played a lot when I was growing up and for that I thank my parents for encouraging us to explore within our means and safe surroundings.




Fast forward 30 years, my sister is married with two grown up children and one very happy family . As for me, I decided to stay put with my parents and look out for them ... it has been a wonderful journey.As I grew older, I try to be a good daughter to my parents . I heed whatever advice they give to me and I try to make up for lost time by spending as much time as I can with them.




I do the normal daughter things with my parents. Going out or hanging out with friends is something that I do enjoy but nothing beats that one moment spending time with my parents . Back to the daughter things that I do is; lend a ear to them. For example, I never fail to ask them how was their day was even though, I know that most of the time, they are at home.


When I spend time with my parents, I usually look forward to the small little outings that we take together and one of them is, when we go out to get things for the house. To most of you, you may say that an outing like that is quite common and is no big deal. To them and me, it means a lot . 


It means to us, that we can just enjoy the day with just us be us. No pressure, just a simple day, an outing or and activity done together with my parents. It does not have to be an expensive outing, just being with them makes my day.




Now that my parents are older, they like to take life easy . With nothing to worry, they enjoy a game of cards together. Each time when I go off to work, my mum would bless me.When I arrive to work, after parking the car, the first thing I would do is to call them up to say that I have arrived safely.




Going back home , I would call them and tell them that I am on my way home. As I reach home and park the car, I'd honk and my dad would be at the window waving out to me . 


It's what we o every morning and we never get bored doing it ..the same routine over and over again and I will be doing it for many more years to come . I have enjoyed my childhood and for that I am thankful to my parents ..Thanks mum and dad .

Get to YOu

I would not have thought how I usually allow little things get to me .I used to think that I was quite unusual for my family, perhaps a little odd ? I don't know. By the time I hit pre-teen, it got worse. I kept so often to myself and the friends that I made in school, are the ones that I have kept in touch with till today .




School life was pretty alright for me , with friends here and there it was just okay. I remember at one point of my life , I just thought that I did not deserve any better and I kept myself away from so many things.


I just shut down. I only moved for ME. Maybe I was selfish then. I was not popular in school but I had friends who enjoyed my company .




I remember, I closed my mind to a lot of things and getting over them was not easy. I guess I prayed a lot. After that things got a little better for me and I found stability in whatever I wanted to do.


I wised up, still hanging on, I plodded along .My life is alright and I am not afraid like I used to be. I take one day at a time. 


Now, I rive to work, make sure I have a good day. Teach my students well. Stay happy and positive as much as I can .




Is there any room for improvement in my life ?


Yes , Yes and Yes .

For This I .....

Today was just a normal day for me, I was thinking about my bed !! That was because someone said that whenever he went on long holidays, he thought of his bed and how he missed it.


The rest of the day,I was quite busy with work and I promised myself that I would never talk and blog about work ..So each time if I happen to mention the word work, I will drink 2 glasses of water..


To which I still have not ....


Lest to say I would drink by the end of this post . Today, and and for any other days, I usually have a quiet evening .I spend my time reading ..I refuse to say that I log onto Facebook .Yes, I do ..but I like the fact that I can put some time aside to read .


So what else could a girl ask for ?


Come to think of it , I could ask for a lot . For now, I am satisfied with what I have ..the smallest things count the most and for that,I am truly blessed ...

Sugar .. Aww Honey Honey !!!

Yup, as the song goes, you're my candy girl!! Well, not so candy now are we!! 


It all started on a cheerful Saturday morning. Out of the blue, my mum wanted to go for her regular pressure check up.So we took her . Mind you for the past few months, my mum was telling us how much she would sweat when she mops the floor.


Dad and I, yeah, we heard her more like a gazillion times over and over and we were thinking , okay, if she says that she sweats then all good . I would think of it as a good workout for her.


Went we did to the clinic and with one look, the doctor asked her why was she sweating, and confidently she said ..weather ..yeah blame in on the weather!!!!


MY mum was her usual chatty self when the doctor announced that she was going to check her sugar level .... it was 2.7 ..that's low ..how low can you go mum ?


Homework for the day and for life , take loads of sugar , bake cakes if you want to ...sugar level has to go up !!! Me being me as their daughter and her daughter ..have found a solution that is ...


IF HER SUGAR LEVEL DOES NOT GO DOWN, WELL... SHE COULD HAVE A ONE WEEK STAY AT A VERY FAMOUS HOTEL/HOSPITAL TILL HER SUGAR LEVEL GOES UP !!!!


I mean hey, that is her call..as for me the ball is so in my court ...Of course mum is not too pleased with me but she knows how I love her so ... she'll get it up you see..


In the mean time as I look at dad, he goes wink, wink  !!!!!
Yup, dad careful you are treading on egg shells here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dad , Me and Nasi Lemak

Let's start with me first .I just don't know why that is, in a week, I have to get my hands on a packet of nasi lemak . I guess it is the comfort food for all Malaysians.


Every Sunday, after mass, I would pop into the cafeteria and get a packet of nasi lemak before I head home. As I get home , and change into my thread bear t- shirt , I sit and unpack the packet of nasi lemak and dig in . It is what I always look forward to each Sunday .




I just can't say why but I just have to have it . It's like a drug an it cannot be compared to anything at all in the whole wide world .


Today was one such occasion. I took my dad to the hospital and I will tell you this, nasi lemak is good for family bonding , father and daughter time together and as well as mother and daughter time together.


Right, back to the story . I was at the hospital with my dad today, and we felt kinda hungry so we went up to the cafeteria ..lo and behold ..there were a lot to choose from . We were spoilt for choice there were nyonya kuihs , noodles and of course nasi lemak ..


We each took a packet of nasi lemak and sat down to eat . The silence between us, said it all. What I like about eating with my dad is, at the end of our meal , we talk about the aromatic rice right up to the ikan bilis ..you could say the works . Each time, when I have the time to go out with my dad, we end up eating !!!!


Now at this point I would like to say that having a meal with my mother can be nice too. Being a goo cook herself, we talk cake, cupcakes, food , food and more food .I guess she just enjoys cooking and as her daughters , we seem to follow in that path .


Nasi Lemak , I gotta tell you one thing though , you make my day complete. Complete to the T..I ain't gonna ever give you up . 

The Rat

Once there was a rat that lived in a house . This was no ordinary rat . The rat would wait for all of the people in the house to sleep and then as they say the party began....


It was one summer night that the rat decided to have a bonfire night . He thought how nice it would be if could invite all of his friends for the bonfire.


After thinking hard , he had an idea . An idea of a life time . He took a trip to Paris, to find his cousin Louie ... and together they made their way to find the finest fire to light the bonfire.


It was not an easy task as they had to search hard for this special fire. They had almost given up when they had another idea . They decided to travel to China to find the fire. Just maybe, they would get lucky over there. When they got there, everything was dark .The people in China had no light to offer them.


Without much luck they decided to head home. You see , everything was set , a bonfire was to be held but there was no fire. So one of the mice, ran into the kitchen and brought out a matchbox. They helped the little mice to light the bonfire. The flames were majestic and bright . And so they say , the matchbox saved the day .

MY Clouded View...

My clouded view is so clouded that I do not know what hit me in the face, I stared and went by everyday without knowing, Splatt !!! it goes, without much of a word, I was warned and it went by, It got worst to a point even the Green Lady could not help me, I was on my knees pleading , And all she could do was cackle in every bit of a way, It does not make sense I thought for sure I was a goner, What do I do ? My view was clouded with flames of blue, silver and gold, I called out to the Sisters of The Tree, It was all in vain, A pure light, There in the hall, I reached for it, A hand saved me.

Spring and so they say is here .

And so they say that spring is here ..what comes to my mind are colorful chicks . Why ? I guess I had a thing for chicks.They just look adorable. Anyway, I was thinking of closing my blog since I do not have the time to blog but as I looked at all of the posts that I posted , I just would not want it to go to waste . Besides, it was and will be my journey ..for me this time .I used to blog about children and how they effected me as a teacher but somehow in the long run, I no longer felt that was what I wanted to blog on ...perhaps I should just blog about other stuff or maybe blog about something that is very close to my heart ME ..now that is shellfish !!!! With me being in a new school, everything is coming up roses. I have begun a new journey an exciting one I must say . I am wonderfully embracing every spring flower that I can grasp. I am blessed and I am in a company of positive people .Even when there are ups and downs, I seem to manage quite well .I hope that whatever I may face, I will face it with courage and I know that tomorrow will be another new day for me .

But IF I Let YOu Go

Letting go is one of the hardest thing that anyone could ever do ..in life we must let go at some point ..be it a child , someone or even a loved one . It is never easy ..when we do not let go, we can't get on with life because the attachment is no longer there and sometimes it lingers. We feel insecure and we just want to hide away forever. But not so. Letting go has evolved ..over the years I suppose so, but letting go is still hard. It either make or break you. We have to break even. In between the borderline, chances of survival is there but slim. So one has to take that huge leap to survive but if you're at the end of it, it will eat you up whole all your life . In life we all have to let go even if we don't want to. To me letting go is pretty hard. You are so used to with life routine that when it is time to let go, you feel a void . Your mind's eye let you see the things that you don't want to, perhaps the truth and the truth hurts . Eventually, we let go.The heart feels uneasy but the mind says to let go and move on. When it finally hits you and you know deep down in your heart that you have to let go, say it with a prayer. 'I forgive you , I love you ,You were mine and I now I let you go , go in peace and be peace with yourself.' To my friends whom I let go along the way , may you find your way back on your own and I wish you all the best.

End Of The Deep

I remember some time ago, I may have blogged about this ... on a different tittle ..just the same a friend asked me, how I felt about my scars . Growing up, I used to hate it. I was full of anger and I did not know any better . I was young and during that period of growing up, I thought that IT was my time besides growing up, it was my time to get anything that I wanted. It was not so . I spent a lot of my time sulking and I wanted everyone to feel sorry for me . I did not know better than . One thing is for sure, the scars are a part of who I am . My identity . I was lucky enough . For some , it could have been worse . The next question that I got asked was, do I feel pretty. Feeling pretty on the inside counts.. not what is on the outside . Being and feeling positive made feel beautiful in my own skin. In fact, when I apply any make up onto my face, I'd tell myself that I look pretty. A smile breaks out and I feel great . One of the best advise that my boss could ever give us each day is 'WEAR YOUR BEST MAKEUP, THAT IS YOUR SMILE'. I kinda agree with him. No matter how you look, when you smile, it is the best !!! I get people asking me if any of my dates minded that I have scars on my face. Frankly speaking ,I don't know how they felt because I never met anyone who was bothered with my scars . As long as we are comfortable with each other , that was enough for me. All my life, I have had friends come and go. One thing is for sure , all of my friends have been very accepting towards me and they never bothered the way that I look . The only thing is, we remain friends till today . For that , I would like to wish everyone a very happy new year ..