Why I love it ...and intend to keep it up .. if I can

I woke up with a positive thought in my head .. in fact yesterday I had the positive thought. Since it's the holidays, I am feeling kinda lazy and that is not good. I started to think back when I managed to shed some pounds. Then,I began to realise that since I am not going anywhere,I would like to start paying attention to my figure . In my minds eye, I knew that I have to work 3 times harder to get into shape. However, due to a spill a long time ago, I was feeling a little worried . It's not that I can't do it .. the main problem is I suffer from lower back pain . So yesterday, I took baby steps to try out some new moves and with God's grace .. No pain today .. Good!! and today I did the same .. stretching here and there .. good ... it was all good as well . I am trying to think positively as I hit into the big 40 ... I promised my self and yes, promises are meant to be broken ...it will be a cold day in hell if I just gave up without a fight ...SHHH!!!!! this time I'm just going to go with some simple routine and see how it goes. There is this nice dress in the store which had my name on it .. so I have to try my darnest and I have a wedding to attend next year .. so preparation and perspire to the end who knows I might even snag a guy or two !!!!! So let the games begin to a wonderful 2012..

Seriously I say this Because ....

I had a tough time trying to sign into my blog today and the first thing that hit my mind was , 'Oh no, all of my posts have gone to blazers and back again.' Today, is kinda special for me . I have moved along and last night , we decided to put up the Christmas tree in our house. As usual, I am not so keen this year in celebrating Christmas . Now, I say this every year but when Christmas arrives, I am a sucker for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like I have been saying, when you are at a certain age, you just want everything to pipe down. Maybe not, may be, it's because that I don't have children and being single, you just pipe down. But that a wrong attitude. I could visit orphanages, homes, just be around people. I could do that but I need a shove. Raise up your hands if you need shovin .... into the drain !!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, for a million time over, I still have not owned a camera I am taking my time!!!!!!( the camera has got nothing to do with this post) What is Christmas actually ? It's not about food , snow or presents but it's about the birth of Christ and spending time with loved ones . We come together to celebrate in a meaningful way , we give alms and offer up help to the needy . Today, I am going to feel good about celebrating Christmas . It's when I get past this month in faith and with faith, it's Christmas for me all the way . By the way, our lights went KAPUT!!! on us and we need to shop for some lights for the tree !!!

The Ship That Never Was Ahoy !!

What can I say for myself ? I was just being me and I thought that I made the right decision .I spent four days in an office and then I quit .. yup I quit !! For one, I was trying to convince myself that I could really do this as it so happened, I could not . So, where is that big huge hole , I think I might just go bury myself there !!!! I am not sad or ashamed of what happened because I am only human. To save myself from making a fool of myself further along into the future, I will just stick to the things that I know best and that is TEACHING !! Well, I need to put the spot lights on once again and take out my teaching cap. I was jobless for 4 days and in that 4 days, I had the chance to reflect upon past events .. why , how come , how , what and so on . In that 4 days, I ate , slept, baked cupcakes and finally I made some planning .. to take over the world once more !!!!! That is, to get a job pronto. Well as usual .. it did not take me long . Within 2 days I got a job. It was as simple as that . So, I have started working on familiar grounds. Kids were great , place looks sparkling clean, teachers great and everything is back to normal . To those of you who are and were disappointed with me , hey, it's okay. We muddle sometimes too. Life never goes according to plan . It makes us go through many winding roads before we can see clearly and I can certainly can see clearly now ,not only has the rain gone !!!!. I will steer away from any office buildings from now on except for the office which belongs to my principal !!!!!

IN And OUT .. so outta here

Well I spent just a few days in the office and then, I came home telling everyone that I have nothing to do. I convinced myself that I need a change . I made it , took it and I was out of there within 4 days !!!!! Yes, you heard me right !!! For one thing, this experience opened up my eyes and it seems to be saying;'Audra, stick to what you know because you're so damn good at it'!! Why did I not listen to my heart? I said yes and okay without batting an eyelid .. make that two eyelids. I am not gonna say that I rushed into things. I had no regrets after leaving the last school . Okay, so I rocked my own boat. I had to learn the hard way. Just maybe I was after all too hard on myself. I was tired of everything and I could say that I was not tired of education. I was tired of the way things were moving. I should have seen the signs.I had to get out. Fast and in doing so, I made a mess. I woke up that day without a plan in my head . But there was one but the first thing that crept to my mind was, SINCE I WILL NOT BE WORKING FOR THE NEXT FOUR DAYS, I planned to relax for a few days. As i woke up, I spent the day not only baking but resting . How good that felt!!!! No work, I was not worried , I was not thinking about anything at all. My day passed with me being fully awake. It was such a nice feeling. My parents did not even ask me what were my plans. I slept late. The next day, I made some calls . Two schools called me up for interviews. Not bad but I only wanted ONE of course. Well, to cut the long story short, the school decided to hire me and I have started work. Yup I am so alive now !! The best part is , we have Bible sharing every morning and the children are getting used to me. The thing is, never regret or feel ashamed . Life goes on . For me it did and it still does.

Faith

For the past few days, I felt that my faith has been wavered . I was thrown off course and I felt totally lost . It was because of the crossroads which lead to my life. I felt that I was standing alone and I could not find the key to unlock my soul. I was confused and headed nowhere. I let darkness overcome me and I could not see the light . Everything felt heavy. There was no way out. I felt like banging my head against the wall . The word hopeless comes to mind. The only thing that I knew how to do was pray. I asked GOD to intervene and help me to be a better listener and be more observant to what I am doing . No, I am not hopeless. I am sure there are millions out there who felt just like me . Now, I will come clean and tell the truth . I started my new job just 4 days ago and I wanted to show that I could handle it but each time I tired, I failed . Maybe I was trying too hard and I was not paying attention to what was being said or to what I was doing . I felt very nervous at work but I hung on . Then, I stopped and thought for a moment. I mean I was in the teaching line for a long time, and now after so many years, I have decided to work in an office. So to make myself feel better, I should give myself time to adjust to everything that is new to me. Maybe I am just trying too hard to fit in. There are many reasons which contributes to the way I was feeling . Each day, I prayed that I will not flip up. Are we not humans after all ? Are we not suppose to make mistakes ? I guess, Jesus made a mistake or two when he was young, but it was not a mistake to be hung on the cross and to die for us. I guess what I face is just part of life but what Jesus had to endure was far worse than what I am going through. There are no nails knocked into the palms of my hands and feet, but he had. There is no crown of thorns upon my head , but he had. I had everything easy but he was made to suffer and die , that hurt . So, for the days that are to come, I will try my best and remember what Jesus went through for, my savior would not want me to wallow in self pity, but to rise from the deep end to walk and follow in HIS footsteps with faith.

Here and Now

Today I could almost feel like a grown up . It's true . I always thought that I'd never grow up or I refuse to grow up . Simple . For once, I can see where I am heading . I mean just by getting my self respect back. To some,growing up is hard .I used to remember telling my parents , that I just wished that I'd never grow up. It was hard growing up , because you will always have to think on your feet and too many responsibilities . But then again , if we were to plan out our responsibilities , then growing up would not be so bad after all . There is no right or wrong answer . it all depends on how you wish to grow up. For some , they enjoy being a grown up. So I would say the same , since I am here and now , it would seem a very good idea to just grow up . Grow up to be a beautiful being.