i do not what is like being married to someone .. all i know and understand is , between the ages of ..let's say 25 right up to 30 . it's a must for every boy or girl to get married ... it's part of life ..
but , it does not work that Way .. just look at me ... when my sister got married at the age of 24 . confidently i told myself that when i reach the happening age of 24 , it will be my turn to find a soul mate and tie the knot .. sadly it not work for me that way .. after what .. say 14 years , i am still waiting for that moment to come and i am still single .. so who do i blame ?
do i blame everyone around me ? or just me ? .. like the girl from China .. said recently . i must marry myself and love myself before i can fall in love to marry ... .. how nice .. a good statement though .. so how many of us can stand up and say .. .. i must love myself ....
the reason i cannot love a person is because not only love is universal, love has to begin with me .. like Jesus love for us is universal .... a whole lot of love and his love for us is like a huge circle and no one can take that love away from us ...
so like today , i was reading an article about marriages and soul mate .. half of the article sounded good but three quarters into it ..... i left the page .. and you see this is my attitude always thinking that i know more .... i have a lot to learn about marriages and being a soul mate to that one person only .....
what am i going to t about it ....? i should say that i would begin to love myself first before i enter into the next phase ....
let it begin with me by saying this .. i am going to love myself first like it or not .....
Sunday, November 21, 2010
selfishness .. through my eyes
the only people who are selfish are the fish monger who sells fish in the market !!!
that is not the point .. selfishness is a talent and you a whole amount of it .... including me and the fish monger in the market!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it is normal to be selfish .. is it an emotion or a habit formed even before we pop out from our mother's womb .... i am not making any sense of it .. why do we become selfish ?
maybe you got hurt along the way or your sister or brother was selfish towards you and it went on for awhile and then it was payback time.. how about if we payed it back with kindness ... just forget about being selfish ......
i don't understand .... people are taught differently .. unlike you or me .. it matters a lot to me because i was not brought up that way .. selfish in sharing a toy when i was a little girl .... yes but it goes away as you get older .. perhaps when you understand better , maturity enters in ....
so then ,what is the true art of selfishness ? i cannot answer it for you but what i can do is .. to reflect upon my life quietly and then only will i find or seek the answer ....
through selfishness comes great strides in self worth and as we move along and change it in us , we can become one .... with Jesus anything is possible ..
that is not the point .. selfishness is a talent and you a whole amount of it .... including me and the fish monger in the market!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it is normal to be selfish .. is it an emotion or a habit formed even before we pop out from our mother's womb .... i am not making any sense of it .. why do we become selfish ?
maybe you got hurt along the way or your sister or brother was selfish towards you and it went on for awhile and then it was payback time.. how about if we payed it back with kindness ... just forget about being selfish ......
i don't understand .... people are taught differently .. unlike you or me .. it matters a lot to me because i was not brought up that way .. selfish in sharing a toy when i was a little girl .... yes but it goes away as you get older .. perhaps when you understand better , maturity enters in ....
so then ,what is the true art of selfishness ? i cannot answer it for you but what i can do is .. to reflect upon my life quietly and then only will i find or seek the answer ....
through selfishness comes great strides in self worth and as we move along and change it in us , we can become one .... with Jesus anything is possible ..
virtual money and it's faithfullness
well i am a sucker for it .. i am hooked but not in bad way .. you see , some friends and i have been playing online games in face book , and it got to the point of no return .. i should say that or not ..
at first it was just to pass my time ... alright, never mind just play the game for the sake of playing it .. then phase two ; it got to another level where we were buying , selling and buying and buying and selling all at the same time !!
this gets better .. we'd get to work and group up just so we could discuss our latest findings .. treasures , gifts , presents you name it ..then one sad day , that was the day i was so sad . i could not log into my farm , siap siap .. they helped out ....harvesting .. planting the works and if anyone of us were just too busy with work and assignments , we'd help out .. it was fun but i still could not log into my farm .... sad again ..
after about a week , i tried to get into my farm and i did it , i was like a kid who had a bag of treats .. what was then it's all in the game , has now become ,we're back in the game .. i felt that my life was complete.. no one understood us as to why we were so into this game not even our families .. all we knew was , go to work .. give the kids homework , teach ...do more work and then rush home to our farms .....
soon, we promoted ourselves to another game .. millionaire city ...i was a bit apprehensive towards this game but after some coaxing from my dua sekawan , we are now worth millions and the next best part is .. the money are all virtual but we still feel so sayang to waste our money to buy more property !!!!!
at a corner , I'd go , 'jeez , it's only a game how come'!see, you and me both know that but .... in all fairness to the game and to the gamers out there it's like waste not want not....
we cannot simply explain to you why , how , or how come ... oh , i say it like it is .... we are so into the game but we're not hooked on it .. we can stop anytime ....
and so the story goes , we are having a whale of a time till i go for a short break .. well , never fear , it will be taken care of I'd say ..... cheerio till then ..
at first it was just to pass my time ... alright, never mind just play the game for the sake of playing it .. then phase two ; it got to another level where we were buying , selling and buying and buying and selling all at the same time !!
this gets better .. we'd get to work and group up just so we could discuss our latest findings .. treasures , gifts , presents you name it ..then one sad day , that was the day i was so sad . i could not log into my farm , siap siap .. they helped out ....harvesting .. planting the works and if anyone of us were just too busy with work and assignments , we'd help out .. it was fun but i still could not log into my farm .... sad again ..
after about a week , i tried to get into my farm and i did it , i was like a kid who had a bag of treats .. what was then it's all in the game , has now become ,we're back in the game .. i felt that my life was complete.. no one understood us as to why we were so into this game not even our families .. all we knew was , go to work .. give the kids homework , teach ...do more work and then rush home to our farms .....
soon, we promoted ourselves to another game .. millionaire city ...i was a bit apprehensive towards this game but after some coaxing from my dua sekawan , we are now worth millions and the next best part is .. the money are all virtual but we still feel so sayang to waste our money to buy more property !!!!!
at a corner , I'd go , 'jeez , it's only a game how come'!see, you and me both know that but .... in all fairness to the game and to the gamers out there it's like waste not want not....
we cannot simply explain to you why , how , or how come ... oh , i say it like it is .... we are so into the game but we're not hooked on it .. we can stop anytime ....
and so the story goes , we are having a whale of a time till i go for a short break .. well , never fear , it will be taken care of I'd say ..... cheerio till then ..
Saturday, November 20, 2010
next year
a friend of mine asked me today , what will next year be like and how it's going to be like . to tell you and her the truth , no one actually knows how it's going to be . but i have decided not to worry too much about it .
the most that i could think of is waking up on that very first day of school in 2011 and go with gusto . the thing to remember is it will not be easy , we will have new kids coming in and definitely they will wail... and not to mention new and anxious parents hawking outside the school and classrooms to see if their kids are okay .
for now let's just enjoy the moment .. we have just started with the school holidays , so let's take it one day at a time .
the most that i could think of is waking up on that very first day of school in 2011 and go with gusto . the thing to remember is it will not be easy , we will have new kids coming in and definitely they will wail... and not to mention new and anxious parents hawking outside the school and classrooms to see if their kids are okay .
for now let's just enjoy the moment .. we have just started with the school holidays , so let's take it one day at a time .
Friday, November 19, 2010
the dress
i want a dress that would fit me like a glove , a dress to make me look chic and a dress to make me feel confident ... i have not worn a dress for many years ..
the last dress i had was put into my closet because i was too shy to wear one and all of a sudden, here i am once again ... the dress bug bit me and i found the right material to make one ..
this morning i spent half the day with my parents ...travelling all the way to puncak alam and mind you , once upon a time i did not know that this place even existed until we move to shah alam ... even then , and now i get chills when i hear puncak alam ... however my doubts were all cleared when i went there to oversee a school and the journey was breathtaking .. and then they say the rest was history as my tailor lives there ..
back to the dress .. its a beautiful black piece of material .. black for Xmas ? it's the colour for every season and as far as i know every girl needs a little black dress of their own ......
i kept telling myself that i will be brave this year and for the coming years to come and that i will make a dress for myself ... i am not backing out .. just can't cos i told my friend what and how it should look like ... nervous yes but i am waiting for it to be ready ....
so , with my head held up high , i am going to get into that dress of mine .
the last dress i had was put into my closet because i was too shy to wear one and all of a sudden, here i am once again ... the dress bug bit me and i found the right material to make one ..
this morning i spent half the day with my parents ...travelling all the way to puncak alam and mind you , once upon a time i did not know that this place even existed until we move to shah alam ... even then , and now i get chills when i hear puncak alam ... however my doubts were all cleared when i went there to oversee a school and the journey was breathtaking .. and then they say the rest was history as my tailor lives there ..
back to the dress .. its a beautiful black piece of material .. black for Xmas ? it's the colour for every season and as far as i know every girl needs a little black dress of their own ......
i kept telling myself that i will be brave this year and for the coming years to come and that i will make a dress for myself ... i am not backing out .. just can't cos i told my friend what and how it should look like ... nervous yes but i am waiting for it to be ready ....
so , with my head held up high , i am going to get into that dress of mine .
space
not the space as in outer space .. space as in .. hey i need space ... how is it with some people that they never need space ? everything has been mapped out for them and all they do is , it's OK actually and the next day when they wake up , they just fall into that space and it's OK ..
i mean why not everything has been thought of by someone else rather than yourself ... i mean don't they get to a point where they'd go .. 'hey , i need space so just back off '!!!.
don't they feel being pushed to the ground and it's just super fine .. i mean everything just goes on monotonously and not even a bump and they are OK with it ?
i used to wonder, and for me, if i am being pushed against the wall , i would just stop and say , 'now , hold on a minute , i need space , back off'. the gist is ,after saying how you need that space , some don't even bother to hear you .. and i wonder why .
so ,instead of being pushed against the wall , I'd just say , 'stop just right there ,you're not doing this to me'.
i mean why not everything has been thought of by someone else rather than yourself ... i mean don't they get to a point where they'd go .. 'hey , i need space so just back off '!!!.
don't they feel being pushed to the ground and it's just super fine .. i mean everything just goes on monotonously and not even a bump and they are OK with it ?
i used to wonder, and for me, if i am being pushed against the wall , i would just stop and say , 'now , hold on a minute , i need space , back off'. the gist is ,after saying how you need that space , some don't even bother to hear you .. and i wonder why .
so ,instead of being pushed against the wall , I'd just say , 'stop just right there ,you're not doing this to me'.
.. i bid you farewell ....
.. now it's time to say goodbye , to all of my one sweet potato class ..... with the trophy given out today at the eleventh hour to which i must say .. to the penduduk of paya jaras .. you guys sure knows how to test a driver's patience ... all was not too late .. i got back in time to see big smiles as i handed out the trophies and yes i will miss my students very much ....
as i sat down to list down the class list for next year , i can't help but to wonder how is next year going to be .. perhaps that all of us learned good lessons for this year and we have grown ... in one way or another .. maybe our students feel the same way with new schooling environment and new friends to keep up with ...
the feeling of loneliness creeps up to me as once again the school will be very quiet. for now everything is silent and we hope that, the silence would soon be replaced with new students and not to mention crying students .. our journey will begin soon .. a new beginning .. a new journey and a new path ...
all i can say is , my teachers and i have truly enjoyed our year with these students and we wish them all the best ..
as i sat down to list down the class list for next year , i can't help but to wonder how is next year going to be .. perhaps that all of us learned good lessons for this year and we have grown ... in one way or another .. maybe our students feel the same way with new schooling environment and new friends to keep up with ...
the feeling of loneliness creeps up to me as once again the school will be very quiet. for now everything is silent and we hope that, the silence would soon be replaced with new students and not to mention crying students .. our journey will begin soon .. a new beginning .. a new journey and a new path ...
all i can say is , my teachers and i have truly enjoyed our year with these students and we wish them all the best ..
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