Life in the world of colourful me

But IF I Let YOu Go

2012-01-25T03:05:00.000-08:00

Letting go is one of the hardest thing that anyone could ever do ..in life we must let go at some point ..be it a child , someone or even a loved one .It is never easy ..when we do not let go, we can't get on with life because the attachment is no longer there and sometimes it lingers. We feel insecure and we just want to hide away forever. But not so.Letting go has evolved ..over the years I suppose so, but letting go is still hard. It either make or break you. We have to break even. In between the borderline, chances of survival is there but slim. So one has to take that huge leap to survive but if you're at the end of it, it will eat you up whole all your life .In life we all have to let go even if we don't want to. To me letting go is pretty hard. You are so used to with life routine that when it is time to let go, you feel a void . Your mind's eye let you see the things that you don't want to, perhaps the truth and the truth hurts .Eventually, we let go.The heart feels uneasy but the mind says to let go and move on. When it finally hits you and you know deep down in your heart that you have to let go, say it with a prayer. 'I forgive you , I love you ,You were mine and I now I let you go , go in peace and be peace with yourself.'To my friends whom I let go along the way , may you find your way back on your own and I wish you all the best.

End Of The Deep

2012-01-22T00:23:00.000-08:00

I remember some time ago, I may have blogged about this ... on a different tittle ..just the same a friend asked me, how I felt about my scars .Growing up, I used to hate it. I was full of anger and I did not know any better . I was young and during that period of growing up, I thought that IT was my time besides growing up, it was my time to get anything that I wanted. It was not so . I spent a lot of my time sulking and I wanted everyone to feel sorry for me . I did not know better than . One thing is for sure, the scars are a part of who I am . My identity . I was lucky enough . For some , it could have been worse . The next question that I got asked was, do I feel pretty.Feeling pretty on the inside counts.. not what is on the outside . Being and feeling positive made feel beautiful in my own skin. In fact, when I apply any make up onto my face, I'd tell myself that I look pretty. A smile breaks out and I feel great . One of the best advise that my boss could ever give us each day is 'WEAR YOUR BEST MAKEUP, THAT IS YOUR SMILE'. I kinda agree with him.No matter how you look, when you smile, it is the best !!!I get people asking me if any of my dates minded that I have scars on my face. Frankly speaking ,I don't know how they felt because I never met anyone who was bothered with my scars . As long as we are comfortable with each other , that was enough for me.All my life, I have had friends come and go. One thing is for sure , all of my friends have been very accepting towards me and they never bothered the way that I look . The only thing is, we remain friends till today .For that , I would like to wish everyone a very happy new year ..

The Fire ... Let it Burn Deep

2011-12-28T02:56:00.000-08:00

I have been lagging as I have not been blogging lately .It's not that I don't want to,but I have been busy . I was away for 3 weeks due to a course and I would say, personally that before attending this course,I decided that I do not have any intention to pursue my studies any more .I mean, I am an adult so I just don't have to study anymore. I just want to relax and just work . However I was wrong once again. The LORD has shown me the way.When I attended the course, it was very intensive. We were made to stay at a 5 star hotel and all meals were provided FOC.We did not have to pay a single cent, as everything was provided by the Ministry Of Education. How lucky for us. The first week was good and I was really enjoying myself. Into the second week, I felt tired and I just could not wait to return home for the weekend and to which I learnt how to appreciate my parents even more because I missed them terribly.Into the third week,I was praying for a quick and easy exam and off I go home!!! It was during one of the lectures,that I realized that something was lacking in me. I started to re evaluate myself. I told myself that it was high time I continued my studies . I wanted to better myself and feel good about myself and it was also time to take up on a challenge , to challenge myself and to make that ONE change in my life . For me . I am doing it for me. No one else.So, now I have gotten myself into this huge big mess. Education is not a big mess, but I'd like to call it a mess and I would like to see how can I get myself out of this mess. I am in the midst of applying through some colleges and I am hoping for the best. I am not procrastinating. I am just striking it while the iron is HOT . The fire in my belly is strong and I thought that the fire in me had died .For now I am content with what I have achieved and I am happy . I like being surrounded by positive people and I hope that my journey will be a fruitful one .

Why I love it ...and intend to keep it up .. if I can

2011-11-28T18:23:00.001-08:00

I woke up with a positive thought in my head .. in fact yesterday I had the positive thought. Since it's the holidays, I am feeling kinda lazy and that is not good.I started to think back when I managed to shed some pounds. Then,I began to realise that since I am not going anywhere,I would like to start paying attention to my figure .In my minds eye, I knew that I have to work 3 times harder to get into shape. However, due to a spill a long time ago, I was feeling a little worried . It's not that I can't do it .. the main problem is I suffer from lower back pain . So yesterday, I took baby steps to try out some new moves and with God's grace .. No pain today .. Good!! and today I did the same .. stretching here and there .. good ... it was all good as well .I am trying to think positively as I hit into the big 40 ... I promised my self and yes, promises are meant to be broken ...it will be a cold day in hell if I just gave up without a fight ...SHHH!!!!! this time I'm just going to go with some simple routine and see how it goes.There is this nice dress in the store which had my name on it .. so I have to try my darnest and I have a wedding to attend next year .. so preparation and perspire to the end who knows I might even snag a guy or two !!!!!So let the games begin to a wonderful 2012..

Seriously I say this Because ....

2011-11-28T18:16:00.001-08:00

I had a tough time trying to sign into my blog today and the first thing that hit my mind was , 'Oh no, all of my posts have gone to blazers and back again.'Today, is kinda special for me . I have moved along and last night , we decided to put up the Christmas tree in our house. As usual, I am not so keen this year in celebrating Christmas . Now, I say this every year but when Christmas arrives, I am a sucker for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like I have been saying, when you are at a certain age, you just want everything to pipe down. Maybe not, may be, it's because that I don't have children and being single, you just pipe down. But that a wrong attitude. I could visit orphanages, homes, just be around people. I could do that but I need a shove. Raise up your hands if you need shovin .... into the drain !!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, for a million time over, I still have not owned a camera I am taking my time!!!!!!( the camera has got nothing to do with this post)What is Christmas actually ? It's not about food , snow or presents but it's about the birth of Christ and spending time with loved ones . We come together to celebrate in a meaningful way , we give alms and offer up help to the needy .Today, I am going to feel good about celebrating Christmas . It's when I get past this month in faith and with faith, it's Christmas for me all the way . By the way, our lights went KAPUT!!! on us and we need to shop for some lights for the tree !!!

The Ship That Never Was Ahoy !!

2011-11-22T03:52:00.001-08:00

What can I say for myself ? I was just being me and I thought that I made the right decision .I spent four days in an office and then I quit .. yup I quit !! For one, I was trying to convince myself that I could really do this as it so happened, I could not . So, where is that big huge hole , I think I might just go bury myself there !!!!I am not sad or ashamed of what happened because I am only human. To save myself from making a fool of myself further along into the future, I will just stick to the things that I know best and that is TEACHING !!Well, I need to put the spot lights on once again and take out my teaching cap. I was jobless for 4 days and in that 4 days, I had the chance to reflect upon past events .. why , how come , how , what and so on . In that 4 days, I ate , slept, baked cupcakes and finally I made some planning .. to take over the world once more !!!!!That is, to get a job pronto. Well as usual .. it did not take me long . Within 2 days I got a job. It was as simple as that . So, I have started working on familiar grounds. Kids were great , place looks sparkling clean, teachers great and everything is back to normal .To those of you who are and were disappointed with me , hey, it's okay. We muddle sometimes too. Life never goes according to plan . It makes us go through many winding roads before we can see clearly and I can certainly can see clearly now ,not only has the rain gone !!!!. I will steer away from any office buildings from now on except for the office which belongs to my principal !!!!!

IN And OUT .. so outta here

2011-11-15T02:50:00.001-08:00

Well I spent just a few days in the office and then, I came home telling everyone that I have nothing to do. I convinced myself that I need a change . I made it , took it and I was out of there within 4 days !!!!! Yes, you heard me right !!! For one thing, this experience opened up my eyes and it seems to be saying;'Audra, stick to what you know because you're so damn good at it'!!Why did I not listen to my heart? I said yes and okay without batting an eyelid .. make that two eyelids. I am not gonna say that I rushed into things. I had no regrets after leaving the last school . Okay, so I rocked my own boat. I had to learn the hard way.Just maybe I was after all too hard on myself. I was tired of everything and I could say that I was not tired of education. I was tired of the way things were moving. I should have seen the signs.I had to get out. Fast and in doing so, I made a mess.I woke up that day without a plan in my head . But there was one but the first thing that crept to my mind was, SINCE I WILL NOT BE WORKING FOR THE NEXT FOUR DAYS, I planned to relax for a few days. As i woke up, I spent the day not only baking but resting . How good that felt!!!! No work, I was not worried , I was not thinking about anything at all.My day passed with me being fully awake. It was such a nice feeling. My parents did not even ask me what were my plans. I slept late. The next day, I made some calls . Two schools called me up for interviews. Not bad but I only wanted ONE of course.Well, to cut the long story short, the school decided to hire me and I have started work. Yup I am so alive now !! The best part is , we have Bible sharing every morning and the children are getting used to me. The thing is, never regret or feel ashamed . Life goes on . For me it did and it still does.

Faith

2011-11-07T03:43:00.000-08:00

For the past few days, I felt that my faith has been wavered . I was thrown off course and I felt totally lost . It was because of the crossroads which lead to my life. I felt that I was standing alone and I could not find the key to unlock my soul.I was confused and headed nowhere. I let darkness overcome me and I could not see the light . Everything felt heavy. There was no way out. I felt like banging my head against the wall . The word hopeless comes to mind. The only thing that I knew how to do was pray. I asked GOD to intervene and help me to be a better listener and be more observant to what I am doing . No, I am not hopeless. I am sure there are millions out there who felt just like me . Now, I will come clean and tell the truth . I started my new job just 4 days ago and I wanted to show that I could handle it but each time I tired, I failed . Maybe I was trying too hard and I was not paying attention to what was being said or to what I was doing . I felt very nervous at work but I hung on . Then, I stopped and thought for a moment. I mean I was in the teaching line for a long time, and now after so many years, I have decided to work in an office. So to make myself feel better, I should give myself time to adjust to everything that is new to me. Maybe I am just trying too hard to fit in. There are many reasons which contributes to the way I was feeling . Each day, I prayed that I will not flip up. Are we not humans after all ? Are we not suppose to make mistakes ? I guess, Jesus made a mistake or two when he was young, but it was not a mistake to be hung on the cross and to die for us. I guess what I face is just part of life but what Jesus had to endure was far worse than what I am going through. There are no nails knocked into the palms of my hands and feet, but he had. There is no crown of thorns upon my head , but he had. I had everything easy but he was made to suffer and die , that hurt .So, for the days that are to come, I will try my best and remember what Jesus went through for, my savior would not want me to wallow in self pity, but to rise from the deep end to walk and follow in HIS footsteps with faith.

Here and Now

2011-11-02T01:59:00.000-07:00

Today I could almost feel like a grown up . It's true . I always thought that I'd never grow up or I refuse to grow up . Simple . For once, I can see where I am heading . I mean just by getting my self respect back.To some,growing up is hard .I used to remember telling my parents , that I just wished that I'd never grow up. It was hard growing up , because you will always have to think on your feet and too many responsibilities . But then again , if we were to plan out our responsibilities , then growing up would not be so bad after all . There is no right or wrong answer . it all depends on how you wish to grow up. For some , they enjoy being a grown up. So I would say the same , since I am here and now , it would seem a very good idea to just grow up . Grow up to be a beautiful being.

Victory Speech

2011-10-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

I never expect to loose . Even when I am the underdog . I still prepare a victory speech .Well that speech was so long undone ... It's like when you come undone and who do you love ? God . Why ? Because He is an amazing God that's why . As I stood in the concert hall for one last time , I summed up everything in two syllabus with six letters in it .. THE END. Now, I could leave the word THE END as the end to this post .But let me tell you something , It did not end for me . It will be a new beginning for me . Now my life begins as the same as it would and it's great . So how does one trace little foot steps along the way ?She goes shopping tomorrow , that's how . I mean you've got to get your life on track after what has taken place and it's all about organizing and stepping out into a ray of sunshine .For some , they may have won the victory speech but I for one , won a whole lot more . I am sure I can tell. Because each passing day , I wake up happy and I know that someday , someone's gonna come out and tell me , 'Hey , Audra , you know what , you're amazing'.That , I guess I am ..

Take A BOw

2011-10-29T00:59:00.000-07:00

Well having said that all I have to , I took a last bow in my classroom yesterday minus the kids . I looked at my class for one last time . Thinking of all the fun and memories that I had with my students .I looked at my charts hanging on the wall and thought how over the years , we struggled through , to develop a million kids when I was there . The walls were sad and everything seemed quiet . I looked at the things in my classroom . This is it, the final curtain has come down . No more standing in the spot light . It was time that someone else took the spot . My time is done and over with .I talked to all the tables and chairs and told them that how much I would miss them . How they kept my students safe as they sat on them . I looked and I really looked . To my pencils and erasers , you have been used . For every perfect reason . I thanked the heavenly angels for keeping each of my student safe as we journeyed to the zoo, park , and many other wonderful places that we went to . I took a bow once again and thought of the mornings spent with laughter and joy.I thanked the doors for keeping danger away and for keeping us warm in our classrooms. As I turned to leave ,I said a small prayer , a prayer of thanks . I thanked the heavenly Father who gave us wisdom and the joy of children.All is quiet now .. all tired out . No more laughter and smiles . But as always may all the children of the world be blessed .The show is over say goodbye ............

Trying and still trying to

2011-10-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks has been a breeze . I can feel the Christmas wind in my hair and I thought to myself how wonderful it was to feel something special . I had time to soul search myself and for that I am very proud of the fact that I made a small difference in my life . Not for others but for me this time around .I have been quiet for awhile and even at work too . Perhaps, I want to absorb every minute details that I can feast my eyes upon . My students take first place .How hard they have worked to come this far and being patient with me as their teacher . I have not said goodbye to them but in my heart, I did .To me , children would always have a special meaning in my life and in a few days time this chapter would be closed . I want it to be perfect but alas , in life , we can't have perfection.I spend time in school , keeping my head in the game and keeping myself busy . I do take time off and just stare into space at times . However some has even mentioned that I am not with them . Well , I guess everyone is a mind reader when it comes to human emotions . Everyone , except for you . Having waiting for that moment to arrive , has been a spiritual journey. I decided to take it easy , one at a time .For now , words have been said , some home truths had hit home as well, as you say , a direct hit . All I can do is hope and pray for a better future for everyone . With that , I take off my hat to all of those people , who have journeyed a long journey , to get where they are today, for those who never gave up , to those who fought for what they believed in and to those who made everyone smile .

Farewell

2011-10-19T03:49:00.000-07:00

I still have about 2 weeks till the end of the month . However , as usual , I plod along till my time ends . Today was special because my teachers organized a farewell do for me . I never thought that , there would be one for me because I usually don't need one . I felt that I did not have to have one actually . Its because I am a simple person with a simple nature .... I guess.But the gesture was well meant and I truly was happy about it . Food was good and everyone was in good spirits .. Though , some were misty eyed . Everything good must come to an end .Anything that we do , we do it to the best of our ability . I was sad .. to say good bye . I have done what I could for the school and I tried my best . I wish my teachers all the best and wish them well too .Along the way , I have met many wonderful teachers , however this batch of teachers were the best . Being matured , we complimented each other and how we supported each other .Not only we were friends , we became a huge family with a whole lot of sisters in it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Not a day goes by that we do now wish each other with a kind word. I guess , no more nasi lemak session with the ladies and our KFC sessions are out as well but we could always meet up for a drink .It finally hit home that I am no longer a teacher .. no more holidays , sports or concert . They were all good memories , that I treasure ... it will always be and forever that I am a teacher and there is no denying it .The next chapter would be a better one for me ...

Sleeping Beauty

2011-10-13T03:24:00.000-07:00

Today was my appointment day with the hospital . I went because I need a closure .. I had to be sure 100% so that was why I went . The sleep test was very good .. You may be wondering , what is a sleep test all about . It's a test that I need to do , to see if i snored , oxygen intake , to see if I slept without breathing and so .. forth and so forth ...Will not tell too much about the test . When I got in the doctor's office , ( my dad came along) I gave him my test results . He took it and read it .. After 10 mins , he turned around and told me that , the report was one of the most excellent report with only Level 2 .. meaning I do not have go go in for the op to remove my tonsils . it would take Level 5 and above to get it removed .I was overjoyed , happy .He removed me from the list .. what list you ask .. no need to do the op . No medication . With that , he told me that is was my stress level that was the cause of it. Better still , since I will be moving on , onto a new job , I hope that my tonsils will be pleased . No talking needed . Only speak when you are spoken to !!!!To celebrate , I will be making an apple crumble pie ....on Saturday !!! Yums ...

first it fits and then it does'nt

2011-10-12T03:56:00.000-07:00

I was thinking to myself lately and silently if you may ..... how everything seems to fit into place . I told myself that if I ever found myself wondering if my life fits into what ever that I hoped for , I would give myself a pinch !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Sometimes you may think if it was just a dream and then , that when you wake up , it all disappears . But it does not , and I am glad . Plain and simple . So what is the next chapter of my life ?Good question but I will not answer . However , I will just leave it for now and embrace each day as beautifully as I can . With hope in my heart , everything that I wish for, will become fit ( like a dress ) and I wait in glee as I journey with loads of love around me .. speaking of dresses , I saw one at Jaya Jusco .. simple cut and it has my name on it ... by the way it was screaming out for me ....!!!

with thanks and much love ..

2011-10-11T02:48:00.001-07:00

I think this should be quite safe ......... I would like to thank all of my teachers for a wonderful job , its the everyday stuff that they do and for that I am truly greatful.As such , with all that has taken place and the news that I would be leaving my teachers in 3 weeks time , I think back on my humble beginnings as a teacher . How I managed through and faced every day head on ... From the unknown to the known . I remember going into my headmistress office , and each time that phrase catches my eye . At first I did not seem to understand what it meant , but over the years , it has played a part of who I am . MY journey as a teacher , was a very simple one . I remember getting my first class . It happened to be the slowest class . Right from the beginning , I was warned that my students were slow in everything that they did .I refused to see them as slow . I turned the tables around . I organized games , storytelling , quizzes the works and before the 6th month was up , my students were beaming with confidence . Confidence was the reason that I pushed harder to become a better teacher . Not the best but better . Along the way , I met many parents who were pleased as to how far their kids had improved . I gave hope to those who never believed in them . It was good . A very good feeling .A few years down , I had the pleasure of working with down syndrome children , autistic children , hyper active children and many more , These kids has taught me a lot . How to embrace life beautifully no matter what . I embrace their smiles , their hugs and all the little things that they say to me . It matters not how small the gesture is .It was never a dull moment when I am with my students. ... suddenly ..you grow up and wise up . Twenty years down the lane, I have come a long way. I have decided .. that I need a change in my life .I do not think that I will forget the years I spent teaching but life goes on . It's time to learn and take things as they are .My life as a kindergarten teacher will be coming to an end .... it is time for me to hang up my teaching cap.

ever you wonder

2011-10-02T05:27:00.000-07:00

have you ever wondered that after all this time , that you just needed that one chance to change your life ? and how at that moment , you did not have all the answers and you just upped yourself and told yourself that you would throw everything out of the window .all u could ever think of , is finding that inner peace or rather that one thing that sums up your entire life . i mean , how you do it ? and you say , i have had enough of it and i want out ?is it too late to do it ? well , it could be a yes or a no or perhaps both . i just changed my tittle blog and i don't bother if anyone does not read it .. to say the least , my life is going to be one huge change and there is a lot ... i mean like a gazillion . see 20 years back down the lane , i was this boring person , i followed all the rules , went to work , work i did , came home , talked , spent time watching the tele and that was it . i did not go out clubbing , just stayed at home .. holidays were minimal and i did not bother very much .i did all of the above and one day i just woke up ..... 20 years too late ? well , late is never too late right ? in life everything has its process . so here i am 20 years on and i got to thinking .. what did i really achieve in life ? if i were to say nothing much , i'd be lying and you know it !!!!!! so in all fairness to myself , i would say i achieved a lot .but what if i told you that i am going to make another change in my life and step out of my comfort zone ? first things first ,it would be like , you had this long hair kinda style for many years and now you want a pixie haircut .. its like saying , that's it, no more coffee for you just water !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or better still it would be like asking your golden retriever to go be a poodle !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! go figure .so i am the pilot of my life and i steer my life .. any suggestions or ideas , please take a back seat !!!!!!!!!!!! now , buckle up cos it's gonna be one hell of a ride

it's raining and how's the head ....

2011-09-10T03:27:00.000-07:00

today was one of the best day of my life ... it rained on it was a saturday ... i did not have to go to work ... but i did actually ..usually , i would complain and say how unfair life is . i like it when it rains and it's not a working day ..i get to lie in extra loads and just laze ..... but alas, all good things must come to an end ..but today was exceptional ... it was the most amazing day of my life and i love everyone around me .... regardless of what ever the week may have been ...rain ..... , how wonderful .... today my nap was beautiful ... soundless sleep , and i could hear the patters of the rain against my window .. i felt cold and i did not want it to ever endi dreamed that i was i this wonderful place where it was just peaceful .whatever , that i was feeling in my head , cleared off as soon as i heard the rain ... perhaps next time , when the rain decides to come again , i would be on a holiday ..how nice just to curl up in bed now only with a good book but a nice time to just be me and with me ...

on eagles wings

2011-09-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

<blockquote>..... make you to shine like the sun , an hold you in the palms of his hands ...today is the day i celebrated my birthday ... not with parties and friends but more of thoughts of others who are less fortunate than me .. i started the day as normal .. as normal as i would ... usually i would be jumping up and down because i have to wait fora long time for my birthday to come .... i guess you could say that the kid in me is still around ... i wanted it not to be special .. i just don't know why .. maybe i have out grown my birthday .. however i had this feeling of hope of wanting something more than a birthday and deep down i had mixed feelings .. i think or i may know the reason why ... it's because that i have a lot of appointments with the hospital and i am dreading my op in december , for crying out loud it;s just to remove my tonsils ................. it has that nagging feeling at the back of my mind ... i will try not to think about it too much .on the other hand , i received many wonderful wishes from friends and relatives , near and far .. i was thankful for them .. just 3 days ago , my neighbor's baby swallowed in a tiny toy , it was a quiet day .. i was online with my sister and my parents were watching the tele ...we heard screams , i panicked ... the baby went all limp like a rag doll .... i could not sleep that night , thinking of the baby .. i was praying that he would be ok . it has been 3 days and there is no sigh of the baby . but i am hoping for him to be well ...just 20 minutes ago i happened to read a blog .. it 's about a lovely couple with 2 young children who lost her husband . i read her post . i re read it again , and i could not believe how a young man with so much energy , just collapsed like that .... i felt sad .. as i read on , the memories that they shared was beautiful . my heart goes out to the 2 little girls .. do i feel lucky ?in so many ways i do .. cake or no cake , birthday or no birthday , i should feel blessed and lucky for what i have and the people that surrounds it .

so

2011-08-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

i was thinking about my students today and how far they have gotten along not only me,being their teacher but also along with their friends . as we plodded along month after month , i can finally say that the time to say goodbye to them will come soon .

looking at their faces , and how i will miss them, made think about, when i was little too ...when i was little , i did not have anything to worry about .all i ever did was play and play i did ..

no worries , go ahead just play in fact , forget about homework , just go play ..those were the simple days that i remember so well . until i decided to be a grown up and i had no choice and it was not by choice !!!

and here i am now , looking at my students and very soon 10 years down the road , they too will have to grow up ......

so with all of these and what a stressful life we lead .. i just want to thank my students for hanging out with me and also thanks for reminding me that girls just wanna have fun !!!!

do you need dusting?

2011-08-08T06:47:00.000-07:00

do you need dusting ? well, i am in need of a spring cleaning myself .. it's good to do it once in awhile .... a bit of dusting here and there and just like a car and your car , we can now cuci the engine and whatever else that needs cleaning ..

it's just like a speck of dust that gets into your eye and how even so , as we try to get that one speck of dust out ,we may never seem too and how that one tiny speck is visible and then , comes along a friend .. what do you know .. that friend has taken out the speck for you .. amazing isn't it?

so, we gratefully thank that friend for removing the speck ... so , what is in for you ? one might question this and perhaps has a fit , standing too close to an electrical wire and we go yeoooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that's it daisy .. come home , atta girl !!!!!!!!!!!!!

all too soon , we find ourselves standing alone and waiting for that one moment . one special moment where we forget ourselves and just let go...

speaking of letting go ... it's not something that we can easily do ...and when we finally do , what then can a speck do ?

maybe it just flies down to the ground and be a speck ..... till you come and pick it up .

choices

2011-07-24T05:12:00.000-07:00

we all have choices to make and to take ... what if it was a bad decision ? how would i react to the choices that i made ? i guess there is no room for me to worry about the choices that i made .

most of the times , it eats me up inside , but i guess we are human after all .. i used to feel pretty bad and low but i know deep down that i have to move on ... it does not matter who i upset , as long as i made that one choice and move on .. easier said than done .

i guess with a lot of prayers and more prayers i will come to make a better choice in my life .. it's not about dragging others into it but just make that one right choice and move along .

whats up

2011-07-08T03:26:00.001-07:00

today was a busy day for me .. my feet aches and i wish there was a genie somewhere to give me a good foot massage .. but sadly to say the genie took off .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my poor feet .

or maybe i should just take a walk and perhaps with luck , i might fin a magic wand .. and then i could wish for whatever i want ..how nice !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today in school , we had only 3 puteri duyung who wanted to have splash time ..3 that's right you read right . they ha the pool all to themselves . i felt like jumping in myself but what am i to do ... stay on the sidelines and shut up ... sigh !!!!!!!

today is friday ... school is out for only 2 days it's better than nothing ..... one week ahead and dance week is ahead .

so what is in store for me ...................... sleep and nothing ..

get ME down

2011-07-06T03:40:00.001-07:00

You tried to get me down and you did it ,
I let you and I was not strong ;
You caught me offguard , I let my guard down.

You pushed me an I stumble upon a rocky hill;
Down I went, I was afraid for I could not see nor feel;
How stupid I was to allow you in .

Get out!!!!
I don't need you in my life. I never did.
How I was , it was because I let you in .

A friend , you are not.
It took an angel to pick me up,
To see where I went wrong ;
I know............
You lie and make fear whole .

And so, I say get out , stop lying , I am not afraid of you,
I don't need you , you are nothing

bUT.................

........ a speck of dust in my eye , you mean nothing to me .. leave forever and never return .

energy went out

2011-07-06T03:29:00.000-07:00

Today I will be typing the real way !! What is the real way you ask ? Forget real , my life is real and the devil tried to get me but he got burned .............. badly too, at that .

Forget the devil .

As I was telling my friend , how time flies ... It's July .So what ? It will be time for me to say goodbye to my students once again. They have learnt , and now they can't stop yakking .. and one day soon enough , they would be answering the phone !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh how they talk , they talk about many things and one particular hot topic , FACEBOOK

Girl:'Wei , kau ada facebook ?'
Boy : 'Ada'.
Girl:'Kita nak add kau boleh?'
Boy ;'Boleh'.'Bagila email nanti balik add la'.

It does not stop there , it finally comes round to the class teacher as well. And what with games and scores who could keep up with them . As long as they don't forget their Dictation next week , I am okay with it . Networking starts when you're six .. hey , who am I to stop ..............

my turn

2011-06-18T04:27:00.000-07:00

these past few days has been a breeze and my lowest ebb .. mind you , it's something that i have to live with .. it was not easy for me and i was struggling ... but i managed . i felt lousy too an i just wanted to crawl and hide away and just forget everything ...

i am not only a person but i am only human and i can only take so much . i was looking for a friend that i could talk to , just to get it out and move on ... i found that friend and she told me to move on , learn from my mistakes , don't live with regret , it will eat me up one day ... what has passed leave it be .

those were very comforting words and i spent the whole day thinking of what i said and did , i prayed and ask god to forgive me . i felt a tug in my heart and i just wanted to run away from everything .

but i have people who love me and they kept assuring me and telling me that it's okay to falter and in time, i should be on the right track . for the past one week i was a zombie .. i could not eat and i was worried about many things .

i wanted that feeling in my heart to go away , i have to let go .. i could not do it and i was wondering if this was the end of me . not only did i feel the pain in me but i felt upset too. i have learned a valuable lesson and i know better now.

the day of today itself

2011-06-08T05:11:00.000-07:00

holidays are coming to an end and so once again i look forward to seeing my students .. or perhaps not? it has truly been a wonderful two weeks with doing nothing !!

that aside , i actually spent a week in church for our parish mission talks ... then into the second week i, i popped by just to visit teachers who were on duty .

i spent the remaining holidays crocheting a runner and it should have come out better than i thought but then again practice makes perfect .... so i would be starting on another runner pretty soon ,,,, that aside,i may need to log on to you tube for some tutorials and then i am done ....

so much for the holidays ....i should be thankful for the 2 weeks break ... we'll see what takes place in my class ...

lappy my love

2011-06-02T01:03:00.000-07:00

the other day i send in my lappy to the shop for reformatting and i would say that the tech did a good job ,... i have a back up system now and i was trying or i tried only half way to transfer it into my pen drive and speaking of pen drive , i may need to get a good one as i am afraid this one has been infected with virus ....

so now that my lappy is back with me , i am in business .. of blogging .. i missed so may days of blogging and today i thought that i'd start with one ...

but as we all know since the blog is about my lappy , on the side holidays has been pretty quiet for me ... but a spiritfull and spirit filled one at the same time .... next week would be another week , hopefully i get some playtime along the way ..

speaking of play after the holidays , we're going to japan ....

shepherd

2011-05-15T03:43:00.000-07:00

...a shepherd boy cried wolf and told the farmers that a wolf ate one of his sheep...

...said the shepherd boy to the mighty king , do you see what i see...?

it is not easy being a shepherd to a flock of sheep. what do we do if one went astray ? do we just leave it alone , or do we do like what Jesus did ? i guess being a shepherd or a leader has it's ups and downs .. for if we , remember each and everyone of our sheep by name , then we must be accountable for everyone of them.

Jesus was responsible for his flock and when one went missing , he went high and low searching for the missing one and when he found the sheep , he carried the sheep over his shoulders and brought it home .

if we could just do what jesus did , our world would be a better place where everyone cared for each other . we were chosen for a reason . a reason to live with humbleness towards everyone .

maybe we should all become shepherds to lead our flock to greener pastures .

football

2011-05-15T03:37:00.000-07:00

yesterday ,was my first time viewing a football match between MU and Blackburn .. seriously speaking i would not pay money to watch it .. i rather sleep , eat or pray ....yesterday was special and different .

my bro in law came for a visit and we took him out and us too for dinner ,and he was telling us that there was a good match on astro .. we actually watched the football match at the restaurant and since we had no goals yet , we decided to head back home to watch the game ..

i was surprised with myself because i actually enjoyed it and if Rooney had not gotten that penalty kick .. habis .... but i did watch the whole game through and that was the first .. we spent quality time together as a family watching football!!!!!

i guess if i had a group of friends I'd watch but who knows, i might just tune in to watch more football matches !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how i have been ?

2011-05-01T18:16:00.002-07:00

everything has been so crazy lately that i decided to only do one thing for these past few days that is ....... sleep .... the only thing that i could think of ....

i felt like i was on soft clouds and all i could think of was sleep ..... besides sleep , i thought about things .... many things and the best part was, it was all about happy thoughts .... everything else seems to be at a stop ... with hundred and one things creeping into my brain , i guess i just wanted to take what i only wanted ... happy memories .... that will get me through ....

as for what lies ahead , nothing much but i hope that it will be more joyous days to come and some fun filled days thrown in too ...

we attended mass yesterday being a feast day and among those thousands who attended , i saw this family whom we used to see when we attended church in St Joseph ... it was nice seeing them after so long and i used to remember how each saturday , this family would sit at the back us in church ... and how we saw their grandchild from a baby and now he is an altar server .. how times flies and speaking of time .... i got to get my hair coloured .. the whites can be seen and i look old ....

how i have been ?

2011-05-01T18:16:00.001-07:00

here i am again

2011-04-15T18:28:00.000-07:00

well it has been months since i updated my blog .. i have so busy lately that all i ever do was sleep ..yup you heard right hahahh!!!!

the days are passing by so fast and in a few weeks time it willl be the month of may and then june and that will be a half year gone .. so fast !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life has been hectic and i feel like i am buzzing here and there non stop but on the plus side , term break is coming and that is a yay !!!!!

2 weeks , i can do a lot .... well that is another thing ........

done it and found it

2011-03-16T23:26:00.000-07:00

well i have done it !!!!!!!!!!!!! managed to get into my new gmail account that was because i prayed and found it ... i am not so dumb after all!!!! right now the contractors are in my apartment and they are tiling up my kitchen floor .. it has a little hill on it and if you'd try jumping on it , you may actually break the floor ... now we can't have that, can't we ? NOPE at all......

by this evening , they would have completed the tiling work and there are also other areas that needs to be done ...

well i guess it's movie time for me for now ..................

why do i do this ?

2011-03-16T23:09:00.000-07:00

my sister told me that gmail has more space .. okay space means as in outer space ? okay i will not go there .. today , like so pandai i singed up for a gmail account ...happily la i went along filled everything and it was done in a matter of minutes .

then after confirming everything , i emailed my sister .. fine and now here i am , i actually want to email her by using my new gmail account and when i googled for gmail i just don't know what the heck came out hahahah !!!!!

being dumb with computers , i decided, and proudly told my sister to forget the whole thing, gmail and all .... okay what is the point to get a gmail account and then, you just changed your mind that you don't want it and it's all because you can't login ?

all is fair in love and war ..okay we're not talking about love .. well, i just need another month or so before i actually give it another go .....

like today i am told to seek to find , to knock and a door will be opened .. what else ... ask and it shall be given .. so let's start from the very beginning then .... Dear Lord ....

ever long sundays

2011-03-16T00:36:00.000-07:00

my friend calls me up and tells me how lucky i am to have semester breaks ...and how lucky that i can go for holidays too .. which i normally do not go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! waste , that was what she told me .....

while were talking and talking , i happen to tell her that, if i am not working on a monday , then my sunday would be longer than 24 hours and when i need to go to work on monday , the 24 hours for the sunday seems so much shorter ..

actually and frankly speaking, is a theory kinda thing and as we make this theories up ,i do believe it is ... but of course others have their own opinions as well...

seriously, that is what i believe it's like what..... deja vu .... hmmmmm not so and it's not something that is cliche so what is there a girl to do when she has holidays ?

just sit back and enjoy the week ahead ....

shucks i can't print

2011-03-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

how dumb can i be ? it's okay i do admit that sometimes i can be dumb and daft at the same time ... friends have never told me but i know how much they want to , but since they love me so much they don't say it .. but if they do .. hey , it's okay as long as i know ..

today my mum asked me to print out something for her and i said yes , okay i will do it but i have to type out what ever that she needs .. and there , i was happily clicking ctrl to print and nothing .... clicked again nothing .. again and again nothing .. aiyo !!! why la ... she needs this so badly and now cannot print ....

mum said ,"check the wires , plugs ...." alamak apa dia tau hahahahahah!!!!! then to my amazement , i forgot to plug the USB cable ... adoi !!!! ha, see how dumb i was .. so simple thing also cannot so ... gone la ... fail cannot become a computer expert !!!!

the moral of the story , make sure that everything is plugged in before printing !!!

baa .. baaa ... it's a goat !!!

2011-03-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

a friend calls me up and only to tell me how she tried her best to avoid hitting a goat .. and that was not all, the goat .. a very fat one, mind you darted across her path and she could not jam her breaks on time , so the only thing that was left to do was to hit the goat .......

....poor goat it was hit alright, and according to my friend, that it got up did a little shake here and there and it went off to greener pastures ... so , after all the goat was okay and she happily went home .. when she got home , she noticed that her car bumper was dented !!!

all i can say is, that was one strong goat .... a goat of steel ... small in size but deadly !!!!! so if you happen to see a goat .. please stop , but then again drive safely !!!!

nIVEA AQUA SENSATION ...

2011-03-14T05:07:00.000-07:00

no , the nivea company is not paying me any money for saying this, but i have to tell you . it's a gel face wash and it costs around rm19 but if you were to go to watson's you'd get it cheaper say around rm 15 plus ..

what i like about it ? it's gel and they have some small little white stuff that looks like bubbles and i must thank my cousin for introducing this product to me ... just a small squeeze onto your palm and it works like a dream .. even the scars on my face seems a little lighter ....

to those of you who wants to try it just go get one .....

sea blue

2011-03-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

i went shopping for slacks today .. i mean since i need them , might as well find a pair or two just to top up my wardrobe .. i have nothing fancy in my closet and i do not have 27 hot looking dresses in my closet however at times , i do wish i had ....

we went to nagoya thinking i could find a pair or two ... but the sizes were way too big for me ...instead, we went to jusco but to our surprise jusco was closed .... under renovation and only in July it will be operating as normal ....

once again no slacks . so i popped in giordano ... just to see what i can get .. anyway i bought a blouse rm 59 .. hmmmm can la ..its not always i spend .. it's a very simple cut blouse .... sea blue ... i don't have that color . it's a see through blouse so i gotta find something to add to that .. i can't go to church like that .....

with that one blouse that i bought , i was so happy ..good buy .. next time i go cari more !!!!

here is why they love us

2011-03-14T04:53:00.000-07:00

they make us feel nice by making things easier for us ,

a firm no , means no and a fun yes, means yes ,

they will go through all the trouble just to see us smile and we never asked them how they do it .

we only take and never give .. not all the time ..

they tell us not to worry when at night , they are worried ,

they make sure that we never go hungry and it's okay if they went hungry .. why ? because they love us too much ,

they bake , cook ,clean and dust and when we get back from school , everything is ready ..

where are we to find parents as such ?

no where .... it only happens in our own family .....

they teach us to laugh and cry at the same time they give us a push to go on in life with courage ...

their best advice is ..... we must understand each other the most , because we are family ... and friends do not have to understand us because they are just friends and they don't live with us ....

...dear lord , i lift up my parents to you in my offering , guide and guard them always .... make it known to them that we will always love and cherish every waking moments with them .. amen .

tau foo fa

2011-03-13T23:37:00.000-07:00

i remember , when i was little girl there was this old crickety man who would ride his bicycle selling one of the most finest tau foo fa in the land .. to those of you who stayed in Air Panas will remember this man ..

when he comes , we would rush out, just so we cold buy a jug or a cup of tau foo fa from him .. it was so yummy and i never forget that memory .. in fact , now we don't get to see people coming round to our houses to sell . to pass the guard house is another matter all together but those were the days .....

yesterday, a friend of mine came over to my place to get her slacks altered and she brought a long some tau foo fa ... when i saw it i was so glad because usually we will go to the market nearby to my house to buy but for nearly a few months we never bought any because when we go to the market,the tau foo fa seller is not there ....

so no chance of getting it .. i mean there are places which sells good tau foo fa it's either too far or we just could not be bothered to go.. anyway .. after eating the tau foo fa .. perut rasa sedap !!!!!!!

broken wings

2011-03-12T01:45:00.000-08:00

i remember this tale so well ... thumberlina ... how the sparrow broke its wings and how thumberlina nursed it back to health ...

take, this broken wings and learn to fly ......

in life i too,suffered many broken wings ... in fact , many of us .. so,how did we managed to heal ourselves ? most of the times we cannot even remember how but along the way,came GOd who healed and touched us , then we had friends who did the same and our parents too.

one way or another we somehow found that comfort that we needed and from there we moved along .

we broke our wings by having GOD healed it,and so our journey continues with courage and we followed along ..are we ready to give up everything that we have,and take up the cross that jesus'is offering to us ?

and so the story ..

2011-03-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

today has been a blessing for me .. we had the way of the cross in our home yesterday and i hope that i would have a truly blessed Easter this year and whatever that i pray for will be lifted up .. i think i have started to come to realize that there are areas in my own life that needs sharpening .. and i am going to do it one by one ...

as to what i was feeling lately and over the months , has now come to rest for now and it will , that is my feelings will have another roller coaster ride .. but that can wait ... for later ...

i mean, life is just as it is and we will never know what will come next ..

following as to what i have said earlier, i may want to see more of Jesus in every person that i meet in my life .. now that may take a lot of prayers ...

you are my all in all

2011-03-10T02:51:00.000-08:00

have you ever heard this song ? it has a nice tune .. where it says that you're a precious jewel .. yes Jesus is our precious jewel ... as i post this the lyrics refuse to come to mind ....

hopefully as i get through this post i would be able to remember the lyrics .. not most of it , maybe just 3 lines will do !!!!

right now i am humming the tune and still no lyrics comes to mind only this ,
.. Jesus lamb of god , worthy is your name.....

right , i am not going to try .. hard at all ... but one thing i know for sure is that Jesus is and will always be my saviour ..... with lent coming soon , i hope i can be a good servant .

not to just meditate and pray but at the same time try to at least see Jesus in others ...

fast ...

2011-03-09T06:29:00.000-08:00

today being ash Wednesday , i was reminded by my mum that i need to fast for half a day ... and because of this , i can only eat fish and that goes for Fridays too.

when i got to work , i was so busy and all , i forgot all about eating and i went along plodding ... and the time sure went so fast today , went for a meeting and then i felt hungry ..

after our meeting , we went to have our lunch ..by then it was already almost 2.30 pm .. so lapar . we went to this Muslim shop and this was not our first time ... so i ate white rice , egg sambal and fried fish .. so yummy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thought that i was not hungry but i actually was ....

anyway , everything ended on a nice note and now i am at home .. resting just got back from mass ..

spies like us

2011-03-07T01:02:00.000-08:00

have you seen the movie ? it's an old movie and i remember cheevy chase acting .. it's a comedy and do you know what is the meaning of SPY ?

hold on , the dictionary just happen to be next to me ,.. let's look it up and see what it says ... okay here we go .. spy ...it's a noun , and it says , a person employed to obtain secret information ; a person who secretly watches others ; spying ,spied , spied upon ; act as a spy ; catch sight of .

so there it is .. personally i hate spies but do you know that they make money ? no , this is just what i think ..... spies to me are just puppets on a string and they they need that string to pull them into action .. no strings they are just like a lifeless doll ... so what is the point ..

you not only hurt yourself but others that you love and care about .. you loose balance and loose trust in yourself .....

but i can tell you this , just be yourself ...

waiting for a star to fall

2011-03-06T04:59:00.000-08:00

.. waiting for a star to fall ..carry your heart into my arms .. that's where you belong in my arms yeah .. yeah .... ..

so here we are once again , each of us , waiting for a star to fall.. and when that happens , to each and every one us , do we really or are we really going to jump for joy ? just imagine , for one , just that one slit second just imagine if stars just fell onto our laps ...

i would imagine too , how many faces would light up for those stars ...i think some of us would be happy and thankful for that moment ...
if a star would fall onto my lap , i think i want it to be a star of happiness ... and a courage star would be good too...

ad it so happens , we have to face reality .. and that tomorrow is a monday and most of us are working ... why not just for today , let's just be thankful for the stars that have landed onto pour laps .................. for now

the evening wears on today

2011-03-05T00:54:00.001-08:00

well today for the all that its worth , i will going out with my cousins just because of a watch in vincci ~~ my cousin cannot contain any longer so, she just have to have that particular watch !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its not the money but she just have to have it like i said .. and once again , we will go with a dash here and there . i need to see the watch for myself too and perhaps another pair of shoes ..... well i almost bought a pair just now but then again it was not my style .. i really thought i wanted and i need to have a pair of shoes .. actually i have tons of them at home ....

i seem to rotate them when i go out , not when i go to work .. work shoes are lain ... how can i mix my going out shoes and working shoes . its just a no no for me at all....

next to shoes .. hmmm what else should i get ? perhaps another shade of lipstick ?

the evening wears on today

2011-03-05T00:54:00.000-08:00

lord of the rings ..

2011-03-04T21:21:00.001-08:00

..... the spirit said that the ring from the right has to be in the left ....

so now it has come to this .... as i awoke this morning ,i was thinking out loud that how nice if everything was so simple .. but i think not ,,, to cut the long story short . ..my favorite ring is broken .. snapped and it's gone ... so now what kinda ring do i want this time or perhaps a diamond ring ?

that ring was given to me by my parents a long time a g for my 21st birthday , and it has been with me ever since . it has now left a mark on my finger and i feel so plain at the moment ...

the show must go on and it's high time for a new ring ... left hand ? or right hand ? what the heck am i blabbering about ...

i am so wireless now

2011-03-04T21:15:00.001-08:00

finally as i post this blog today , after 5 long years , i am now proud to tell of u that i am going wireless and it feels really great too....

thanks to David Baskaran .. hmmm i am so happy .. i mean i am looking at my chilli plants and ebjoying the breeze .. actually , sometime ago , a friend of our came , and he did some settings to enable me to go online minus all of the wires but being so green at that time , i did not realize many things and i did not understand what he was trying to tell me , and not wanting to sound stupid i answered all of his questions with a yes ..

when he went home , i forgot all about it and spent the 5 years logging as per normal .. but today after 5 long years i finally GOT IT !!! aiyo .. i am so dumb la hahhaha !!!!!!!!

looks like for now i am so happy .

di mana dia

2011-03-03T03:09:00.000-08:00

today,i taught my kids a .. traditional Malay folk song ? traditional ? i guess you could call it folk song ... anyway as i opened my mouth to sing , they were tickled pink .... there were giggles all around in the class today ... frankly speaking i just love to hear young children sing.

and my class as everyone knows,each and every child must sing .. it is a must for me. instead of work all the time , i take some time to sing to them , to calm their nerves.
i mean , they even sing while doing their work...

i just like to see them happy .. and after a while the get to you .. they get cozy and comfy with you and then it will be time for them to leave you .... it's like a huge circle ....

..like this morning one of my students refused to get into class ... she was crying in the car and her poor parents was trying to get her out from the car .. and no matter how or what i told her, she refused to come into class...

anyway , her dad carried her out ... she is a nice girl .. and after talking to her she was pretty okay ....

tomorrow, will be our splash time and i heard one of my students , telling a friend that they must all pray hard so that there will be no rain tomorrow and they all can have a good time in the pool !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and a certain someone reminded me that , he needs to finish up his fox so that it gets hung up !!!!!!!

..well, kids esok kita masuk pool ... and we all are gonna get wet !!!!

highly strung in G major

2011-03-03T02:56:00.000-08:00

for the past two days , i have been busy reading and no matter what i faced at work i still made time not to only read the bible but also made time to do my usual reading . feeling very pleased with myself today , i managed to purchase 3 dress and a blouse online !!! highly strung !!!! yeah right !!!

then, that was not all .. on the way home i was thinking of getting a nozzle for my biscuit making ( macaroons)sure , i read and saw the tutorial on you tube and many said that they have been trying to make macaroons and it can be quite difficult to make too..

..well difficult .. smifficult ...!!! .. i will try my darn est ... i should have stopped at the bakery to get my supplies .. but i was rather beat and yes , highly strung too....

right now , all of i can think of is ............. chocolate , cakes , frosting ... oh , yes and doughnuts .. bought some for supper yesterday and they were good ...hmmm..

right now , all i can think about is macaroons .....

men and practicality and men being practical

2011-03-02T03:22:00.000-08:00

okay if i were to bantai men in my blog , i have to think of my dad .. he 's a man .. so i can't .. then my post would just have be us(girls being practical/and us not being practical ) but then again it works both ways . if i were to bantai the ladies , the men would have a field trip !!!!

it has to be a win win situation not win loose or loose win on both part .. so how should i post this ? never mind just read the tale ..

we decided to go to Giant . When we arrived there , my mum bought two casserole bowls for herself .... price RM 6.00 each .. never mind the price , she thought she just wanted to tambah her bowls ... it was fine since i received my salary , why not just let her buy .. and it's not every time ....

then after paying for everything , we put all of those stuff into our shopping bags .. bearing in mind of the bowls we just purchased , we , that is mum and i , made sure that the bowls were secured before walking to the parking lot ....

when we got to the car .. man of the house that is MOTH , decided to take out the bowls and place them firmly in the booth .. ( the bowls were in a plastic bag ) . fine , i wanted to tell my dad that ,it was a bad move , knowing what MOTH will tell me , i decided to shut my mouth ..... i did not even tell my mum what he did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

along the way home as we passed bagus at kota damansara , MOTH wanted to beat the light and yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have guessed correctly and for those who don't know , MOTH swerved the car , my car !!! just because MOTH decided to beat the lights ....

as he kona baring , we heard a sound .... not crashing sound .. the sound was like aiya you know la .... mum told MOTH , 'aiyo , gonela my bowls.'

MOTH replied , 'what can i do , happen means happen la.' meaning break , break la ....see how senang was his reply !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we reached home, opened the booth , and there laid in the plastic bag was one broken bowl .... silence from mum ,

more silence followed ,

still more silence followed ..

why ? why ah ?

anyway we were cool mum and i .. we watched MOTH walked to the dumpster to get rid of our unused bowl .. but on the brighter side we managed to save the other bowl ...well it's all in the game ...

now , it's time for doughnuts ...

today , means today

2011-02-28T02:08:00.000-08:00

today i brought 3 pieces of cream cake , baked and iced by me ... today , thinking that it will be a slow day .. which was not ;i thought that i could relax and have my cake without any interruptions .. but i was wrong ...

i did not eat my cake until almost 3pm .. i was everywhere today ...printing receipts , making sure everything was in order ..

went for gate duty welcomed the children .. went for an assembly in the morning and forgot to have an assembly for the afternoon children ... bummer !!!! then when everything was settled .... we had a staff meeting ... by that time i found out that i was really hungry because i did not have breakfast and even lunch as well .. but i saw someone tucking into a nice breakfast this morning , but i did not interrupt her la .... if not i also would have curi some from her !!!!!

that aside , i think i had a pretty good day .. i cannot actually speak for my teachers but on the whole that is work and it's all in the game ...
tomorrow is another great day and i am so proud of myself that i actually do not miss face book at all ..

transmission oil and the genius

2011-02-28T01:56:00.000-08:00

well i love my car .. even though to some, its just a car and not an expensive one !! i still love my car .. i deserve to buy a brand new one but i still love the one that i own now ... when i am driving behind the wheel , it is as good as a BMW so i cannot complain much can i ?

we drove everywhere in that car and it took is to Malacca the last time and we even forgot about topping up the transmission oil , we got to Malacca safe and sound !!! that is the beauty about my car .

lately, my car was feeling unwell.. we did not know. it was all because of not topping up enough transmission oil ... should we change the gear box ? then why there is no pick up ? well ... we drove the car on smooth roads , everything went well .. even my mechanic did the same thing ...everything was OK ... i can't drive up to a slope , if i did my car would not move as i press the gas paddle ....

this morning, i was talking to a genius friend of mine TMK .. oh by the way David Koay you have a smart wife and you taught her well !!!!! that's what she told me to write !!!!

so there it is .. with her being smart and all , i began to tell her about my car and at once with a magic wand , she told me to go and top up my transmission oil .... true to her word .... as the mechanic topped the oil , my car came to life ... it worked and all because of tmk , we did not top up our transmission oil .... we did not know .

as for tmk , she felt on top of the world today so i don't think i should burst her bubble for today ... good one ya !!!

eMPTY

2011-02-27T03:34:00.001-08:00

empty .. to feel emptiness , nothing.... a feeling like a sesame seed but it eats you up whole if you leave it too long .....

today, of all days , i felt empty inside .. there was something that was not right and it has been bugging me ... i could not point my finger to it and so i just let it be ... i have been worrying over nothing lately and i think that was the reason that got me down as well ....

i wanted to talk to someone , who would listen , there is no one around ... even in the shower i was feeling empty .... i don't know ..why ?

i only knew one thing , so i decided to talk to God instead .. maybe he could help me and he knows what is troubling me ...at times , my journey for the week would be a good one and most of the times it could be rocky ...

back to what i did . i took out the bible and began reading ...i actually have not been reading my bible for almost a year and a half but i can spend every waking moment chatting online with friends and logging into face book .... and that is bad .. i cannot even spend a least half an hour to read the bible or talk to GOd ....

i know god forgives and it i who fail him each time .. what i read today in the bible has helped me .. the bible says that God will be with me each and everyday and that is true .. HE has !!!!

and if i were to worry about many things , i should just relax because GOD Takes care or everything .. even the animals in HIS kingdom ...i felt better after that and i know it's because i have faith . GOd will help me ...

.. come to feast of heaven and earth .. come to the table of plenty , God will provide for all that we need , here at the table of plenty ......

of ol' friends

2011-02-26T20:53:00.000-08:00

yesterday , we attended a memorial service for a very nice lady , who made her journey to be with the good LORd ...

after mass , as we entered the hall .. we noticed that most of our friends were there to welcome us with open arms .. there in the hall the food was laid , the tables were set .. friends came from near and far and there was music at the back ground .. it was not the kind of music that one would play during a memorial service .. it was rather a mix of tunes from the 70's to country and western numbers ... i guess Aunty Leoni just loves her country and western songs !!!!

that aside, i would say that yesterday was a gathering of close knitted friends and families .. before dinner , we had a short prayer and food was served .. there was a lot of laughter and mingling .. i even caught up with most of our neighbors and even my kindergarten student who is now 15 years old ... how time flies .....

we had a wonderful time and we promised each other that no matter what , we will ,make time to visit them again ... it was truly a day well spent ..

all about HEART

2011-02-26T18:01:00.000-08:00

...i don't have the heart to love you ,like the way you want me to ....

at times we don't have the heart to do anything be it love or work but because we love what we do , we find it in our hearts to give our best to our work and even in our relationships with one another . it could be with your family , friends , cousins , grandparents or parents ....

having the heart to love all of the people above means ,loving unconditionally with your heart and soul regardless of the faults made by these people above .. and who are these people ? YOUR FAMILIES .... FAMILIA .

it's not easy to love someone .. we have to earn and give our love .. like me maybe i have been single for so long and i am comfortable with my own skin ... i practically can do what i please and there is no one to stop me .... that is a good point .. but at the same time i feel, that there is something lacking in my life .. and this concerns the matters of the heart ...

just this morning i was telling my dad when it comes to men .. i loose hands down !!! yup , i said it ... even my aunt's grand niece , told her friend .. proudly .. that i am going to be a nun !!!! that is a complement of the highest order ....

back to why i can't seem to sangkut a guy is, because this only have to be my fault . Why ? because i spent every waking moment working , i don't go clubbing and i have friends who are so nice and dear to me .... but this is all my fault ... i shy away too soon ... but one thing i do know is that i hope that one day i will meet the right person ...

until that day comes , all i can do is pray for it to happen to me ... i mean it's my turn now ...

it's all about heart ..... it's okay if you are missing a limb .. or you're not up to the latest standard or version .. as long as you have the heart , tag!! you're it .. you're mine .......

i cried because ...

2011-02-25T03:07:00.000-08:00

i cried because i was alone ,
i cried because CCS pulled my hair !!!!

i cried today because my mother loved my baby brother more than me ...

that hurt !!!!

i cried today because my teacher did not hug me today i school..

why ?

he was so mean today and that was why i cried in school today ..
i cried today because i could not have my way ..
i cried today because my teacher cried ..

i wonder why she was so sad today ...

i do ...

i cried because my best friend fell down and hurt herself ...

i cried because i scored an A in a test ...

we all cried today because .. we ate ice cream and pops ..

in the end we all did not cry because we were so happy being in school today !!!!

my skin's changed

2011-02-25T02:56:00.000-08:00

as you may have noticed , i get bored easily so i have once again changed my blog skin for the how - many- times i just do not know .. countless of times .. i can't get smooth with what i have, and i have to change it over and over again ... even my profile picture has been changed ...

so what does this make me ? one fussy young lady / i don't know but friends have told me so but then again, i need to be a .. i cant' find the word to describe it .... better to leave it ....

today i was very upset with some of my students . so can i exchange them for another ? of course not . how can i . i have this student who talks to himself , sings to himself and even laugh to himself ....

yes it's ok but at times i just do not know ... and if i were to scold him , he would mumble and all of his so called Ultraman Powers comes out .. with fist clenched tight , he would answer back and say that he was not wrong !!!

it's pretty funny actually .today i told him that he was wrong and i how upset he made me ... he was quiet alright ....

anyway, since this is about my blog skin , i just don't know how my post ended up this way .... and today is my 2nd day with out face book ... i am so overjoyed ,,,,

sports

2011-02-25T00:17:00.000-08:00

here i am once again getting ready for our school's sports .. mind you it will be held in April ....yes , it is still a long way to go but us ladies just want to make sure we are well prepared this time ....

i used to remember , growing up , i did not hate sports .. i liked cycling , which they did not offer this event when i was in school .. they had their usual items to which i was not one ounce interested in ..... i mean i like sports that i liked and i refuse to be pushed in a corner to do it !!! i refuse .... even if i kena denda also never mind ......

but here i am as a teacher , encouraging all of my students to try their hand at anything and i always tell them that anything is possible , give it a shot ..... we have those who are good in sports and there are those who just wish to sit at a corner and when i think back , i think of myself ......

i remember we had this one particular teacher in school and she would really denda me if i never went for any latihan sukan .... it was just not my cup of tea .. howard gardner once said that we have 7 multiple intelligences and this is why, we need to explore into all of our intelligences to find the right one that fits us .. that was a few years back and now ... seven has gone to eight multiple intelligences .... if you ask me what is the eighth one ..... I'd say go figure ....

10 years from now it will be .. 15 multiple intelligences .... fooh!!!!!! no wonder our children are so stressed out these days , chest pains , headaches .... so whose fault .......

never mind don't answer that ... hati sendiri tanye sendiri ..... all i know is oi!!!!! Bangun !!! Oi !!!!! would have said it differently .....

my class ..

2011-02-24T04:26:00.000-08:00

19 students ,

talks a lot ,
laugh a lot ,
fight a lot ,

this and that a lot ..

coming up in strawberries,

they are all cute ,

no monkeys around ,

and what would i be without them ?

a quiet class ?

not really ,

is there anything special about them ?

yes , by the flower cart and pots around the kindy , a lot too !!!

so, how do you tame a rabbit ?

silly me !!!

why, you just pull it out of a magician's hat . silly goose !!!!!!!!!!!!

now ,why didn't i think of that !!!!!!!!!!!

it does not make sense at all ..

that's because you're reading with your eyes closed .. said the elephant to the lion !!!

lion ?

what lion ?

there ... it's at the back of you .....

'Class it's Friday tomorrow and you know How I feel about Fridays !!!

human

2011-02-24T04:18:00.001-08:00

....i am afraid that i am just human .. i cannot please everyone and me , myself and i ... i can only do so much for the little stuff and be pleased with myself ...

why? why do i feel like i need to prove to the whole wide world that i can do it ? like they say the world is your oyster but it does not owe you a living ....

why must i measure up to everyone ? can't i just be left alone ? more unanswered questions ......

so where do i go form here ?

i think i may just have to sieve out unwanted emotions and carry on.. i hate it . at times i just feel like crawling away from everything .. but that is no easy as well .. i have to face it ... like it or not !!!

why even bother .. no need to try hard just leave everything ... i can' that is ,because i am human after all...

are you ?

Hari Prasad

2011-02-24T03:59:00.000-08:00

who is Hari prasad ? Well , my mum and i have been following this hindi drama from last year .. Oh yeah , we watch movies of every language and kind !!!! Sadly , my dad does not share our.... how do you say it .. semangat

So,in this movie , there is a girl named Jamuni .. and she has a pet . It's a kid and she named him HAri Prasad ... the was day I got to know Hari Prasad , it was a magical moment for me .. wait !!!!!!!!!!!!! Hold on !!!!!!!!!! I know, Hari Prasad is a goat and a cute one too!!!!!!

I always wanted to have a kid as a pet , but where in the world would I keep him ? Or rather it ... Right !!! as we move further along into the drama , Jamuni just seems to falll in love more with Hari Prasad ... so cute !!!!

One day , I actually met Hari Prasad .. I met Hari Prasad in Econsave .. He weighed my veggies !!!!!!!!!!!! There , at the the back of the counter stood Hari Prasad .. strong and tall and from Nepal ... I actually wanted to ask him how was his Jamuni doing .... better not ...

Mum was looking over my shoulder and casually I told her , 'hey , mum that's Hari Prasad . 'Who?' .. Aiyo .... 'Hari Prasad la'.... 'Hari who la'.............

'There, right behind the counter , Jamuni's goat , apparently .... she kissed him and send him to K.L . for work '

My mum did not get it until , I had to tell her who was Hari Prasad !!!! She giggled like a giddy goat herself !!!!!

Anyway not too long ago , my mum asked me if I would like to own a pet someday and I told her yes .

'So,what will you name your pet dog ?'Mum asked me one day ....

HARI PRASAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the facebook face off

2011-02-24T01:05:00.000-08:00

yesterday my friend was telling me that how she would fervently log in into face book and after giving it some thought .. how she had wasted time just by logging in ... was that going to be part of all her life ?

i mean to each day log in and chat , post comments etc... she had a point. i do that too ...each time after i get home and had a nice shower , I'd log in without fail ..actually it's useless .. it's addictive and i found that i wasted time on it too.... for example , when my parents have a game of cards , i never join in the fun or when they are watching the telly , i rather spend 2 to 3 hours logging into face book....

it's a toll ... and i somehow told myself on and on again that one day i just wanted not to lo gin .. but i had no guts ..

yesterday, tmk made me so brave .... because of what she posted on face book , i stepped up and told them and the whole universe plus all the animals that lived in the jungle that i would not log into face book for a month ..

but today is just the first day ... i deleted all of my mails from my yahoo account .. i do not want to have anything to do with face book .. for a month ... you see i could easily blog and do some shopping online ... !!!!

well, my friends gave me a week .... but i insist that i will get by a month . tops!! at least .. i need this push and i need to test myself ... everything in life isn't face book ... i gotta look around and smell the roses ..... wish me luck !!!

there was once

2011-02-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

there was once a young girl .. who would go up to the hill each morning . and on her way , she would pick up a bunch of daisies .. no one knew where she came from , but she was just there .... with wild hair ..and a strong feature , even the darkest night would bow down to her .

she'd go up to the hill and everyone would wonder , what could be on that hill and why does she spend so much time on the hill?. little did anyone knew , there up on the hill lay buried , her family .. her parents and a little baby ..

each time when she visits the grave site , she would kneel down and pray and tears would flow ... it was said that her family had died a long time ago but she spends every morning , visiting her family ... no one still knew where she came from ..

one day she met a bird and the little bird followed her along .. she was resting under a tree when the little bird told her that it was going to grant her three wishes . the little bird told her that she could wish for anything except that the wishes would not bring her family back ....

the young girl did not know what to wish for because she did not believe in wishes .. so the little bird instead , left her three huge pumpkins ,and flew away ... there was a lot of love in that your girl's heart . she decided to cut open the first pumpkin . and when she did she felt a whole lot of love seeped into her and she felt the love of her family all around her.

she decided to take the other tow pumpkins home ... her home was quite a simple home with not much but she loved her home. before going to bed , she prayed that she may receive the gift of courage .. she decided to cut the second pumpkin and lo and behold , she felt courage like she never felt before ... she knew that she must go on with life ...

the third pumpkin was just staring at her ... and she did not know what she felt in her heart but God knew .. she cut into the third pumpkin and there staring in front of her was a young prince .. he bowed to her and took her by the hand to his palace .. there , they lived happily ever after ....

who would have thought

2011-02-23T02:42:00.000-08:00

who would have thought forever would be severed by a sharp knife and a short life ..

.. if i die young , bury me in satin lay me down on a bed of roses , sink me in a river at dawn , send me away with the words of a love song ... oh , oh

i actually thought that my blog would be about stories of my children in school , however it has become something entirely different and i like it being different and all.... and it has nothing to do with the lyrics that i posted above ...

i meant it to be light and easy ... but it's not at all .. all the same i simply enjoy blogging ... today was okay .. i am now trying to harvest good values for my students and i am trying to be positive about everything that i do .. even my teachers too ....

so this year the kids are great however .. they are princes and princesses of the third kind and i might add a new wave one too ...so with all of these emotions flying in and out of our window ... I'd just say , ' hey ! , try that one more time and we'd all end up in the pool!!!'

'what , we're all going into the pool for a splash ?'

'nope, you are all going into an empty pool!!'

'Shucks'

yeah right , don't push it .. march is fast approaching and we gotta speed through to get there !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

baby , i can read your mind

2011-02-19T04:42:00.000-08:00

my sister told me of a wonderful tale about her boys over dinner last night ... she started by saying that her boys came home and proudly told her that they can read her mind and all she had to do was choose a number from 1 to 10 .. this was what took place .

Chris: 'Mama , do you know that we can actually read your mind ?
My Sis : 'Okay .....
Nick :'Seriously mama , we can .. you wanna try ?'
My Sis: 'Okay let's try then.'

Nick: 'Mama, choose a number only from 1 to 10 and you tell me , then
Chris will try to read my mind.'

So she thought of a number and told Nick ... then it was time for them to begin ..Chris meditated and told Nick that he will now read Nick's mind and he began and after a few seconds , he said out the number that my sister thought of .... my sister was like ... wow and double wow , these guys are good .. so she decided to try again and this went on for a few times .. she was excited believe me .... but something was amiss ... then ...............................

she told Nick ,that she was now going to think of the number 24 ....the both of them said noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's only 1 to 10 not up to a hundred ... but she still insisted on it . these two boys of hers pulled the act so well and she caught on , so she asked them how did they do it and they said if she was thinking of the number 3 , Nick would clenched his jaws and that would make his temples move in a motion and when Chris put his hands to Nick's temples , he would know what number to say out !!!!!!!

Well , my sis learned her lesson that day .. never trust your own children !!!! and the boys had fun with their mother .....

the usual do and the day ahead

2011-02-17T23:51:00.000-08:00

today my throat feels fine , i have to more tablets to get through for tomorrow ... i just can't..... wait

yesterday , i came home from work and my parents told me that my sister and brother in law will be coming over .. i was excited and i proudly told them that i will wait patiently for them to come and i even told them that i would stay up as long as my eyes could stay opened !!!!!

however that did not happen , i was lulled by the comfort of my bed and i went to sleep!!!!!!!

i slept for a long time , it was humid too .... but it was okay .. all i could think of that my sister and my brother in law is coming and i can't wait to wake up the next day to chat with them ...

as i was so deep in sleep , or so i thought , i felt someone holding my arms .... i like to sleep with my arms folded .... then there was a slight press urging me to wake up .....

i saw my sister , blur from sleep ..i took 5 seconds to figure out what was happening and why was she in my room!!!!!!

i thought that it was still 10 pm and that i had not slept that long ... i asked her when did she arrive , and she just said .. just now ... i asked her is it 10 ? it was not 10 alright , it was 1.30 am ....

i tried to toss and turn but i could not sleep .. they were talking .. i woke up , went to the toilet .. it was 2.30 am ... so i must have tossed and turned for an hour .... went outside to the hall ... had a chat with her and my bro in law ... we watched Robocop ..... and i slept at 3.30 am .... woke up at 6am.. showered , got ready and went to work .... UN SLEEPY !!!!!!

everything went on fine .. the kids were great ... work was okay teachers were excellent 12.30 pm , went for an appreciation lunch .. in Sri KDU ...with the other principals .... reached home at 3.50 pm ...... that's it for the day ...

crowded room

2011-02-17T02:34:00.000-08:00

the crowded room was one of my favorite place in the whole wide world and with a book ....its where everything just goes on as it is with no one stopping you in mid air . it's also a place to be yourself and you forget everything just for awhile ..

it starts with a book in hand , a glass of soda and cookies and milk for much , much later and even during Christmas .. we go on .. with eyes wide open .. others may see but they can never touch ..

we stand , together , being pushed together in a tight spot.. then, there is space for movement .. we stand in a row ..we walk... hand in hand with the one we love and trust .. everything will be fine ..

we get to another spot on top of a hill ..looking down with huge eyes , on a hill up in the sky where the faraway is .. with a book in hand , we walk ...

stop!!!!!!!! we come to a stop .. why are we stopping ? we seem to ask one another .. walk on .. with a book in hand , we forge on.. lane ..

a narrow lane , we can't go through .. even with a book in hand .. throw it all.. throw the books away ..

we throw them away ..the sky breaks blue hues ..we look to the heavens .. we see doves , doves come to save us ... raise your hands ....we raise our hands , the doves fly over us, low enough to swoop us to eternity ...

the day i got mad and upset

2011-02-17T02:27:00.000-08:00

the day i got mad and upset everything was sent flying .... in my mind's eye .... i was hot and fired up ... i was not approachable at all.... i did not show it ... i had to stay calm ..

well, that was one of those days .. right now i don't know what to think ... how could this slipped through my fingers .. i let my guard down .. i am not weak , i am only human ... i am not proud of the decision that i have made ... but i had no choice ...

many were upset by my choice , the choice to do right .. and make a wrong, right ... to understand to its finest detail was all it took ....

i am not made of stone , i have a heart with fire in it .. the fire to succeed ... to do well, to be the best , to aim high .. with pride i make my journey .. no matter how rough it gets i have to hang on for the sake of others .... tempers fly off the rail .. tomorrow will be a brand new day ....

a day filled with hope and courage into the next realm ..... for there i seek and i found , not only that i found myself , i found others who would follow me ...

today the day i did not feel like it at all

2011-02-16T04:22:00.000-08:00

today was one of my laziest day in school ... after what 5 to 6 days .. my throat still hurts and i was just being lazy ..... usually after 12 pm ... i take over a friend's class until she comes in ..... so during that time it's usually sing a long and today my sing a long session did not go down so well because i was irritated with the pain in my throat ... i felt like ripping out my tonsils .... aiyo !!!!

so then i thought I'd get out a picture conversation chart to get the class going ... and i did it quite well... topic for the day; THe Playground ... the all time favorite .. well what can i say....

then , it was time for the kids to practice their alphabets ..... wrote it down on the white board , asked them the phonetic sound of it and then it was time for writing ..... as i was plodding along , my friend came and she then took over .....that would be say about 12.45 or so ...

lunch time .. food .. oh gosh!!!!! i usually bring food from the home .... my food has been bland ... very bland for the past few days .... i can't take it .. i don't even eat breakfast .. i am tired of eating .. there is no taste when i eat .. i just swallow every morsel that i can ......

then this is the part where i felt lazy .... usually i am not like this ... but it's like after 3 years and then today was the first day and the first time i felt like this .

at the back of my mind i knew that
i had books to correct , accounts to close and other things ..little things that i had to do .. but instead i went to the other building to see my assistant and then when i saw my ustazah and another friend chatting , i went to join them for awhile .....

there was a book on the table titled .. bangun oh!!! bangun ..... and we began talking about the book and i was telling them about Sean Covey among other things...and that led to the topic of khawin and jodoh ...... see, usually i do not spend time doing all these talk ... but today was different ..... but for that hour i spent talking , i really felt relaxed ....

by the time i went to correct my books , it was just nice .....then i found that i really could do with a break from time to time ....

so far the journey continues with antibiotics ..

2011-02-14T17:09:00.000-08:00

my throat has its days and today being a holiday , i will not even utter a word !!! and how does my throat feel about it ..with me being silent for awhile .... ????? well throat you make me suffer and sick ....

for now it is still sore , i can't swallow well.. at times when there is no pain , I'd go yay!!! but after a few hours , it comes back .. so should i just remove it ? breathing has been a little difficult too .... when i am awake its OK but usually when it's tome to go to bed that i dread :( well i would just have to be patient and wait till i get well ....

well.... what can i say

lies , a lie and a white lie

2011-02-14T17:00:00.000-08:00

what would you do if you found out that a friend lied to you ? would you be angry ? i am sure you would ... do like what i did .. do not show anger or any emotions .... just leave .. for now ....

why do we take leave from work ? we take them when we have an appointment , emergencies and it could be a whole lot of other stuffs ... seriously speaking i only can vouch for myself as for others .. well we are no mind readers and we do not know how they think .... one thing is for sure ... when we lie , we do not only lie to ourselves .. we lie the the one up above .. same goes for cheating ....

to tell you the truth , i was not surprised ... not even one for one second .... what goes around comes around ...... so a lie is a lie , lies are more lies and a white lie is just an excuse ..... why bother ....

aiyo !!!!

2011-02-13T03:51:00.000-08:00

before the Chinese new year holidays started , i came down with very not so bad tonsillitis ...ok never mind .. went to the clinic i was given amoxcilin ..1000 mg .. i took it a few times which it was very much indeed my fault and thinking that the swelling has gone down , i happily carried on with my life .. fine ... no yee sang and sweet meat ... fine ..

4 more days before school reopens .... had another tonsillitis attack ... this one was worse .. this was the mother of all attacks that i thought i never had and now at the back of my mind i am thinking about the brayuk session that i had to forgo in order to get back home ... ok never mind no choice kan ...

this time ..no fever .. cough .... can't breathe properly and my tonsils seem to kiss each other , and i think by the time valentine's day approaches , they would kiss ....... ok it's a joke ...

went to see the doctor again .... yep ... had a good lecture but .... that is now so far away from my mind ... this time .. injection , antibiotics another brand ...same 1000 mg for 10 days .. my doctor punished me .. no choice ....

the jab was ok but after a while ,
my whole arm felt like someone had ripped it off !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then i went back to work ...yes i did .. and that was the day we were to travel down to Malacca ....

and when i came home .. we packed and headed off to Malacca ... well i had to get out of KL .. yes i was sick and now , today, i still have not recovered yet .. my throat feels sore ... can't swallow well... need lots of fluid and yes happy valentine's day ...

makan time

2011-02-04T17:41:00.000-08:00

makan time is always and will always the best time .... so much to eat and you just can't make up your mind at times .... the eyes sees everything and the stomach just wants to taste everything on the table...

yesterday was no different at all... food was laid out on the table and everything tasted so good ...... we had .. cake , chicken ,salad and the list just goes on and on ... yummy crummy .....what delicious food it was .....

i should not worry too much about what i eat .. in fact it never bothered me very much .. it's just that i am a food lover and i enjoy what's on the table ...just eat moderately and i will be OK .....

well, easier said than done ...... of course at times i do wonder if i am putting on the kilos and .. well it's part of life .. we live in a country which produces good food .. why waste right ? and as for those models out there , honey , you'd better watch what you eat ... it's really bad for business if you can't fit into a Vera Wang !!!!!!!

and for us carry nanas girls , mind you, we are heavy duty girls with an attitude that's to die for .. enjoy while we all can and have a great new year ..

hop to where it is

2011-02-02T22:28:00.000-08:00

well since it's the year of the rabbit , i , for one just cannot wait to read about my horoscope in the newspaper .. why ? i have no idea .. i will wait so patiently till i see my zodiac that is the rat .... and then I'd read read and read .... do i believe in it ?

no, that would be a big no .. then why do i bother reading them ? i just don't know maybe it's just for fun .... well some other than the next person would tell me that i should not be reading all those stuff as i believe in god .... true but you see living in a multi racial country , you read any damn thing ......

so, this year the only thing that i am going to do is stay happy even when others try to get me down ... frankly speaking who cares right ! well, it will be another good year and with more amazing things to come .. and so i say happy new year to everyone and bring in the chocolates since valentine's day is just around the corner .....

lights , camera and so the action

2011-01-29T02:48:00.000-08:00

my boss comes to me and says that TV3 intends to do a shooting in our school and we have to not only do a gazillion things , we also have to choose our students who we think will make the cut .... and there i was just living livid and so feeling like J Lo , we got down to business ..... after choosing our so called superstars , we also had to make sure everything was in tip top condition ...

then the TV3 guy met up with us and told us not to worry , 'my prop guys will do everything , you ladies just sit back and stand by .. when we need you , i will have my people call you to get ready '.. fine three bags full ....

on the actual day .. with all the semangat in me , .. i went went early to work today to make sure that everything and everyone including all the little crickets which were burrowing in each and every hole , were OK...

waited ,
waited , waited,
waited ,
waited ,

i think i waited for about 20 waiteds ( this is a new word ) , finally the kids arrived , my teachers and then ,the mother of 20 crew members!!!! they need 20 crew members for just a simple shot ? we had the data guys , we had the directors , we had the prop men .. we had the oranges ladies who kept on munching on the oranges , you name it ...

everything looked so busy even the tables and chairs in my class looked busy ... oh dear !!!..one of my teacher was on stand by ... the moment the director said action , there was no holding her back .. she did a fine job .. then it was tmk's turn ...not bad alright ... my teachers are superstars in the making ...... then it was time for another scene and another teacher was called upon .... everything went on fine .... you 'll, see we will be getting contracts for the big silver screen .. soon ...

then it was my turn , i was cool ... since i had some experience in the Nativity Play in church , that, prepared me to take on the universe .... it was my turn the bathroom scene .. my job was to mandikan the kids ... everything went on fine only one take ..... okay, i lied 3 takes ..... had to shower the kids again ... made them smile and you know la how a superstar works ... i don't have to tell you ......

next scene ... potong sayur ..... potong pun potong la ... sayur sawi .... it was hilarious .. the knife was so blunt so i decided to cut the sawi instead .... with that ... it was a wrap and at the end of the day , only our hands were the stars .. but then again it's still our hands .... just wait ... you'll see .... the next Oscar is so gonna be mine ....

a thing was said

2011-01-22T23:17:00.000-08:00

i guess after today i feel well , and a dear friend of mine told me today that her dog died peacefully in her sleep on Friday ... so sad ... dogs are very smart . i remember having a dog as a pet when i was a little girl ... the first we had was folly and Polly ... they were given to us by my dad's friend who breeds them .

we gave Polly away because she bit my sister .. it was quite close to the eye .. with folly , we never had any complaints from our neighbours ... he was a good and obedient pet .... he was a good guard dog and he somehow knew that we loved him to bits .. nice dog ... sadly enough .. one day folly did not come home . we found out the he had been hit by a drunk driver ... our world crashed .. we cried for days ... and days ... that was it no more dogs for the family ...

until one sunny day .. dad took us to the SPCA .... there , we found Benji ..he was huge alright .... he was toilet trained and he could eat half of the food that was laid on the dinner table !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we gave him back ... we could not handle him .................. OK with Benji being sent away now what ?

no dogs ,

no dogs,

no dogs ,

all was quiet ,

following year ,
no dogs ,

no dogs .............................. until.............

we moved to Brunei .....then we had gypsy .... cute gypsy .. smart , alert , she learned how to hunt for mice .. all thanks a stray cat who became firm friends with gypsy and who also shared the same basket with gypsy .. they slept and ate together !!!!!!

then it was time for us to go back to KL ... once again , with a heavy heart we left gypsy with a friend .............. this time i cried for days ..... hurt and angry i promised myself that no matter what , i don't want any more dogs ...

and now at 39 , i think I'd go for a beagle , or maybe a golden retriever ... Dalmatian .... who knows ...

my challenges

2011-01-22T02:33:00.000-08:00

i am unwell .. sick , and i hate it but the best part is i get to recover during the weekend ... yesterday ... now this is not about me being sick at all . this was the conversation that i had with my dad .. good old dad.....

we were on our way to the clinic and suddenly , he turns around and tells me that after all these years , he has treated me differently from my sister ...

i was not surprised . to those of you out there who knows me will understand and i hope that to those of you who are close to me , please try to understand it too...
i asked my dad why and he told me that the challenges that i faced were so different from what my sister faced and yes each and everyone of us faced different challenges in life ... true to my word , true to what he said ... i still did not follow .. he said that i never took any short cuts in life and whatever mess that i got myself into , i'd find a way out and for that my parents were surprised ....

as to why i still did not follow as to what my dad was saying , he told me that since i was born with scars on half of my face , he and my mum got worried as to .. would i be excepted in society ? would i blend in ? would i have friends ?

over the years , as i grew into an adult .. i have come a long way ..i have accepted challenges in many forms and i accepted them because i knew that i could face them .. along the way it has dawn in my mind that, what if i could not do it ? i got scared too but my parents pushed on and on gently and positively ...

it was hard at first because there were just too many things going on in my mind but somehow i managed along the way .. i overcame whatever was in way ..to tell you the truth , as i look back in life , i just don't know how i got this far .

i am still plodding along but it's not as hard as when i first started out .. there are still many more stuff that i'd like to do and achieve ... plodding along and with more baby steps i'll get there, but it my own time .

break

2011-01-19T02:04:00.000-08:00

well i am really looking forward to this so called one day break .. it means a lot to me and a hopeful of hundreds around the country ... since tomorrow will be a public holiday , i might as well sleep in till the cows come home .... easier said than done ..

my day starts as early as 5.30 am even on holidays , i guess i am so used to it that before my alarm could go off , i am already awake .. maybe I'd tire myself so that i can sleep well ...

today i am just going to relax and rest .. maybe watch some movies , comedies anything and i am not going to do any heavy thinking just relax and chill ....

cake and roses

2011-01-16T01:56:00.000-08:00

i was not suppose to bake a cake or rather my mum was not suppose to bake one today but since i was so eager to practice my roses technique , she thought , why not ... in fact i did practice my roses yesterday but due to some technical fault and i can't say it was a technical fault , it was my fault.... for adding too much sugar syrup that my icing was too runny .. i got so upset .. and i did not want to do it again .......... ever .... my confidence hit rock bottom ....

and then .. i woke up at 3 am and decided that i will try making my icing again and this time I'd go easy on the sugar syrup ....6 am i was already up bear in mind i also have to get ready for church....

measured the amount i wanted and started ... kept the sugar syrup aside and went to church ... the minute i got back , everything was in full swing ....once icing was done , i set to work... my roses became squarish .. i did not give up . since i have a lot of wafer cone ... why not, give another go ..

after trying for like a 100 times i finally could see my roses taking shape .. not a pro yet but i managed to make simple rose buds and i was happy ... however i still need to practice ...

then mum , told me that she will bake a cake and wants me to ice it ..... it's done , it looks great and i still need to practice with the right tools ... but i am not worried as CNY is around the corner and i will be on leave , i will take the opportunity to make more cakes , cup cakes and eat them by myself ...

since i am here..

2011-01-13T04:43:00.001-08:00

well since i am here i might as well tell you about the week that i had .. that means last week and this week .... to some i may act stupid or dumb , i don't care . and it's okay if anyone dislikes me ... okay since i got that off my chest this was what i had to see to , endure , go through and listen to ....

now , for every dumb thing that goes on in my mind .. the one thing that i do know is .. that we teach our children to mix around , to get to know everyone in class .... why ? because that was we were taught by our founding fathers .

i have cousins who are Muslims , Chinese , Eurasians , Indians .. you name it ..and we get along just fine . i even remember growing up i made friends with everyone .
that went on for a few more years and until today we are still friends and when i have children of my own the same process takes place and so on ...

i have never made a snide remark against friends that i have known. we got on just fine until........

one day , i got so upset ... a racist remark was said .. to me ... to my face and i went oh , noooooooooooooooooo !!! and during my conversation with Mrs right and forever right ... it was implied that if i did not do something about it ... she will remove her child from our school....

that remark left an impact on me because for the love of all the chocolate cake in the whole wide world ... that remark , never entered my mind ... from the time that i was growing up until that very day ...

i was like , why do we mix the kids ?
what to we tell them about Malaysia ?
why are there so many races in our country ?

and how are we so special to others who visits our country .

i never thought that this day would come .. i would always tell myself that the people of our country are lovable and we tolerate each other .. but now after this , should i just change my spectrum of things about everything that i once believed in ?

since i am here..

2011-01-13T04:43:00.000-08:00

the one that i thought ....

2011-01-08T02:58:00.000-08:00

everything went on as fine and as planned where school is concerned ... i must thank my teachers for working with the right attitude and they were alert .. for that i must thank each and everyone of them..

i was not worried about the first day of school , usually i am just a jittery bug .. i guess we were well prepared and we knew what was to come and so we went head on ... the thing about our kindy is .. the way things are .. like classrooms ..we have teachers who have good classroom management and when the kids came .. they went into their respective classes ..

we were usually worried about the 4 years old but somehow this year by the second day they were all settled in nicely .. everything was quiet .. no crying ...unlike last year and we also made a point to tell the parents that if their child was not crying , they should just go home and that was what they did ...

we were so happy, puzzled and glad ... the school is silent and in a distant you can hear kids singing , and see them playing .. hmmmm .. so far , everything has been good . let's wait for Monday ..

26 th dec

2011-01-08T02:51:00.000-08:00

that was the day i went for my first baking class or rather butter cream class .it started off very nicely and there were about .. say 13 of us .

the chef .. pint sized however he had tricks like a dream and we just went ohhh.. ahhhh . we started on time and i was not worried if i could pull it off .. but like i said it went on just fine .... we learned how to make many types of flowers by using butter cream icing .. and nozzles.

and we also had the chance to ice our cake as smooth as a pro .. i thought that would be a bit difficult but with the right tools and all we managed ....

over all , i enjoyed myself very much , made new friends who shares my semangat and we decided to pair up for the next session ...i have not practice any flowers since that day however, tomorrow will be my fondant rose practice at home and the chef will be none other than me , myself and i ....

well since i have all the ingredients why not right ... and my dream cake would be a two tier stacker .... but i guess it would be wise to practice with a cake dummy first .....

the baru year and me

2011-01-01T05:44:00.000-08:00

well it's the new year once again ... and so we have just completed 12 months of wonderful times ,with memories, friends and families . now it's 2011 and Monday is a working day and some of us do work on Sundays too ...

i was telling a friend of mine that the most wonderful gift that i could ever receive is the gift of friendship ... well, we met friends along the way .. we lost some too , some got back in touch with us and these friendships grew ... and talking about growing together with friends .. i am reminded of some of the friends that i have met along the way through college ...

by nature i am quite shy ... so when i first got into college , i did not have any friends . i started with one , and then there was two and three came along and before i knew it or before we knew it , we had more than a dozen ....

it's quite funny how from one , we expanded our circle of friends ... then came the most important event of our lives .. we graduated , went our separate ways .. got on with life .. kept busy with work ... got married and some did not and finally we lost touch with everyone and then you are back to square one with just a friend.

and that friend and i kept constantly in touch .... and now after twenty years we are still friends .. however we were missing a friend and for these past 20 years we were wondering what happened to this friends of ours .....

until one day .... just 4 days ago .. yes we were still in 2010 , i logged into face book and there he was ..... he got my name wrong as usual .. but actually he was just teasing me !!!

wonderful the missing friend has found us ... we had a wonderful gift that day .. the gift of friends and friendship ... it is amazing how connected we are .. even through the next day .. we were just smiling away .. even driving , i was smiling , i just could not believe it . i was wondering how this tiga sekawan got in touch with each other after so long ....

i should thank face book though .. but all the same .. we spoke to each other and it was truly amazing ..

so i hope that this year 2011 , would bring all of us not only closer but many , many more friends to come .... it does not matter , as long as we stay in touch with one another ..

happy new year ....

today .. again after so long

2010-12-18T01:41:00.001-08:00

we woke early today and today being today was/is the day we started out to deliver our cookies .... so all the way went up and down the hill and finally we reached our destination ...

it was all in good fun when i know at the back of my mind, that we were having a gotong royong session in church .. to which they need people to go and help and there i was in the car delivering cookies .

but the angel told me not to worry .. they have a lot of help so sitting this one out will not make any difference to everyone ... okay guilt free now ..

we had so much fun .. talking to old friends and wishing them merry Christmas and all ..peck on the cheek off we went to the next house ....

the next house is another dear friend of ours and they had a little cute looking dog named Jojo .. oh , the previous house also has a dog named Dougie ... cute and the cuter .. we sat down for a chat .. not me and the dog of course !!!!!

after 10 mins we made our move to another house , they also had a dog .. a beagle .. so cute .... and its name .. butch .....

today has brought us much joy ... not only we delivered our cookies , we brought joy along to our old friends .. we wished that we could stay longer but we still have more cookie orders to fill in ....

and now at home , a batch has gone into the oven .... and definitely tomorrow more to make ...

clap for the LORD

2010-12-18T01:26:00.000-08:00

today after my afternoon nap , i woke up to watch the telly and when i switched it on , i noticed that the color has lost it .. i mean lost it big time ... the actor in the show was in rainbow color . i was so sad because with Christmas on the way and everything is timing ...you know when you think that everything is almost in perfect order , your toaster goes bust or your telly or your oven .. it could be anything ....

the handy man of the house said not to worry , he will take a walk down to the shops and get more info for troubleshooting ..... my mum was like , 'aiya , Christmas next week and now the t.v.'

well it was one of those things .. handy man had an idea .. he went to korek for the booklet and lo and behold, he found out how to figure it out ... handy man switched off the telly for 10 mins and after 10 mins our telly was in tip top shape , color beautiful , the actors beautiful ... so what more could we ask for ?
in the end this is what i have to say ...'Let's give a clap to the Lord'

time to detox

2010-12-17T04:10:00.000-08:00

well since i have been suffering from urinal infection and there is nothing else that i could do .. yes there is a solution ... get a letter from the doctor and make an appointment at the hospital and go for a few tests her and there ... might as as get those kidneys scanned too...

thing is i am not afraid to go . that was so last year and the year before that ...

so it all began with baby corns .. yup you heard right ..i am to boil those baby corns and drink .. its juice and discard the baby corns ..hm mm 2 days straight OK done ... so what's next ? apple juice .. blended green apples okay that i can do ..

then once upon a time , i came across an article about how and why do we detox our body ... fine ..reading on , i found out that when we detox our body , we get rid of all those unwanted toxins .. see our body is like our car and our body needs servicing too .. it's like you get rid of the black oil from your car and they replace it with a new one ...

forget the car, back to the story .. i found the perfect detoxing product for my body ... and its tea mixed with natural herbs from switzerland ...... now , hold on a minute .. I DON"T DRINK TEA ... so what will it be , Audra ... suffer in silence or drink the damn tea and detox your body ?

fine , okay ... i went to the pharmacy and got myself a trudtox kit ... it say at the back that i am allowed to detox 3 x a week ... ooh .. that's too much tea and shitting .. OK ,OK ,

i got the detoxing kit ... believe me my aim is not to loose weight here .. i just want to get rid of all the bad toxin in my body ..... oh by the way ...the detox works gently ... so i thought why not ... it cost me about RM 25.00 special promotion ..... for 5 tea bags ....

yesterday was my first tea bag in a long time ...... how did it taste ? like tea with herbs and i drank it all up ...

............ and today i went to the toilet ... it was like 5 times in a day, but not frequently ... i even went to the shops .. had a nice walk and all .. so far i feel nice and my stomach does not feel bloated ... i am smiling and hope for the best ....

what is in store for the coming year

2010-12-17T00:27:00.000-08:00

for starters school will soon start let's say in 2 weeks time and yes once again , we are going to hear screams , kicks , shouting , snoring , crying and more crying ... we will be tired after the first day and i must remind my teachers . it will be round one again for us............. and we are looking forward to it .... yes and no ... in a good way !!!!

calls have been made for parents to come on over .... the lists goes on and on .. and it's my job to contact each transporter to confirm who is taking which and what transport ....

so far it has been a good year for us and i really do hope that 2011 would bring us loads of magical moments with out students ..

quit

2010-12-17T00:19:00.000-08:00

quit .. nope i did not ..today my friend calls me up from school to inform me that one of the new teacher quit her job ... today was suppose to be her second day. to be very honest i would really like to have her on board however some issue came in between her work ....

all hope is not lost actually ,i hired here because of the way she carried herself throughout the interview and she spoke well .. responsible even though she did mention that she has a special needs child at home who requires attention from time to time .... we got that part , we understood .. but when it's crunch time , if we have to let go , we let go ..

i guess we win some and loose some .. i just want to wish her all the best , no hard feelings .. when you are ready our doors are always open ....

let go

2010-12-15T00:20:00.000-08:00

today was quite interesting .. i went to the hairdressers . i told her .. that i would like to do re bonding for my hair .... so there it went my few hours but it was worth it .. i felt sleepy along the way but i managed to stay awake ..

so it has come to my attention that i should let go and enjoy myself with family and friends ... stay positive .. get a good detox programme for me , stay healthy and with all the love in the whole wide world , i am going to be happy just for me ..

cookies galore

2010-12-14T16:57:00.000-08:00

maybe this is it .. this is the sign ... i should just pay close attention to what i do and take note of it ... for starters , yesterday we made a batch of cornflakes cookies . it is one of the most easiest cookie to make and even a 6 yr old child could do this .... i could make this cookie even in my sleep ....

we took less that 1/2 an hour to make a box of it .. at this point sorry la no picture to show !!! Santa has not read my list yet !!!! however .. mixing time is under 10 mins because u have to melt the butter and mix everything under slow fire . then put them into paper cups , bake for another 10 min and you are done .....

today no cookie baking because we girls need to make a trip to the saloon ...
well happy holidays ( a tad too late !!) but whatever the reason .... is ... let's enjoy while we can and before school starts !!!

underneath it all

2010-12-14T16:46:00.000-08:00

i was feeling not so me for the past few days ... a lot has been on my mind and i don't even know as to why i bothered with all of those stuff in my head ... i mean here i am , i have seriously nothing to worry about but like i said , i was torn in two ... i did a lot of thinking and some personal issues cropped up ... i even went to the extent of thinking out loud maybe i need to see a shrink .... i don't know...

i have been thinking about things that used to not bother me and it has crept up silently from behind me and i was caught unaware of the whole thing .... i prayed and asked for a sign .. just one .... for now , everything seems to simmer down but i do not know when will the next one comes ... i am not waiting to find out ... so perhaps , i just should get on with what i have now , now counts and matters to me .

well i should just drop everything . get a new hairdo .. gosh my hair is so like .... i seriously need a new hairdo .... today i will just pop by to the saloon and say ...

re bonding satu kepala ... and to hell with everything .... i am not going to take shit ( oops !! ) sitting down ... the new me is coming soon .............. :)

so many and that one ...

2010-12-13T00:22:00.000-08:00

i actually wanted to post in my blog for the past few days, however i was swamped with work and there were issues that i had to deal with ... some were easy and some were tough ....it came to the extent that i just wanted to throw my work all out of the window ....

these past few days has been a blur for me , i was aware in my mind's eye as to what i need to do , but everything was just thrown in my way and i felt like screaming ...or maybe putting a stop to every single thing in my life.. and just breakaway .....

it depends on how one looks at life and how one approaches it .. keep it simple , like my dad used to tell me all the time . maybe i need that one second change and then everything would get better .. what kind of change ? it could be many changes or just that one change in my everyday life..

where is this leading me to ? perhaps i just got to dig deeper in me to find the one answer that i am looking for .. perhaps i just not do anyting at all and let nature takes its course ....

i will never know if i don't find out .....

cookies , cream and everything nice ..

2010-12-12T02:41:00.001-08:00

well it is that time of the year again where , my house smells of vanilla and butter cream it's as if you're in heaven .. i have ..no we have been baking non stop for the past week now , even after work , we'd get right down to baking ...

baking and cooking has been around in my household for the longest time .. and we find baking relaxing ... we forget everything ...

you know what ?

change of plans .. we have now decided to pipe rosettes with a dash of cherry for our cookies .... the best part is i get to pipe it !!!!

well , i hope this works out ...

make up and believe

2010-12-06T22:50:00.000-08:00

i do not know how some individuals can make up stories and think of it as nothing .. it pisses me off to think that a person with such credibility and respect does it ... out goes my respect for these kind of individuals ..

i mean they not only say what they mean , they cook up stories which are not true and it is very upsetting however if we just avoid and ignore such tales ... then where do we stand ? this has to stop ... that is not all, they just go everywhere and cook up more stories ... in the end they not only hurt others but themselves too..

what do they achieve from all of this ? maybe they get power , show the weaker ones who is boss , boss people around , and make others fight because of it .

i hope those fakers out there start telling the truth by what you mean to say ..